The Implausibility of Thor's Physics-Defying Hammer, Mjölnir

(synth notes)

(keyboard clicking) (train whistle blowing)

If there's a multiverse

where Thor's hammer isn't the most badass weapon around,

I don't wanna live in it.

(intense epic music) (hammer humming)

(hammer pounds)

The hammer is called Mjolnir.

Which sounds like the name

of a fearsome Norwegian black metal outfit.

And it's tough enough to knock out a rampaging Hulk.

(monster roars) (hammer whistling)

(rock explodes)

Anyone else?

But my infatuation stops there,

because Mjolnir is also the god of thunder's primary means

of transportation and the idea of hammer travel is,

as the Norse would say, idiotisc excrementor.

In the comics and movies, Thor twirls Mjolnir

at great speed, generating enormous angular momentum,

then he hurls it in the direction he wants to travel

and instantly grabs it again, thereby hitching a ride

on the deity flung missile.

(whistle blows)

Flagrant foul.

Travelling in a manner that violates the laws of physics.

Whoever's in charge of aeronautics fact checking at Marvel,

you should know that every time hammer travel happens,

Isaac Newton spins in his grave

and generates plenty of angular momentum, while he's at it.

Look, conservation of momentum dictates

that Thor shouldn't be change direction, once he's flying,

but according to the comics, he uses magic

to control his trajectory, once he's launched.

And so, why can't he just use magic

to fly in the first place?

He's using magic to summon lightening and cause tornadoes.

Nice continuity, jackass guardians.

If Marvel were serious about this,

they'd stick to how Thor actually travels

in Norse mythology.

In a cart, pulled by his goats,

Tanngrisnir the tooth gnasher

and Tanngnjostr the tooth grinder,

whom Thor slaughters every night for dinner

and resurrects the next morning.

Think of the cinematic potential.

Thor, Goat Devourer, coming to theaters in 2016.

Marvel Studios,

(hammer bangs) (thunder crashes)

I'll await my cheque.

(keyboard clicking) (train whistle blowing)

(CNE chime)

Why can't Hawkeye just hitch a ride on his arrows?

Let me know what comic book crimes

against physics get your goat in the comments.

Also, why doesn't Thor have a catchphrase?

Is it because, Stop, hammer time.

Is already taken?

Suggest a catchphrase for Thor in the comments.

(upbeat bass-heavy music)