Can you make yourself happy by ignoring tired narratives and changing your behaviour? Paul Dolan thinks so.
Dolan is professor of behavioural science at the London School of Economics and author of 'Happiness by Design', a book that argues the true secret to happiness lies in our behaviour. He is also a member of the Office of National Statistics wellbeing team, as well as acting as an advisor for the charity NICE.
Dolan utilises large scale statistical analysis of factors like unemployment and marriage – he's a trained economist – with the behavioural 'nudges' that many self-help experts provide. His approach is unique, he says, because he combines the two.
According to Dolan, happiness depends not only on pleasure, but also on purpose. Setting aside time to see friends, listen to music, have sex or take exercise gives us purpose, he argues – and that, rather than the base hedonistic pleasure we experience from these activities, is what gives our life meaning and contentment.
Dolan believes we tell ourselves 'stories' about who we want to be and what we want to do with our lives – stories that may not actually make us happy. A great job may not make us happy because it's part of a narrative we've subscribed to.
The New Statesman described 'Happiness by Design' as "the book that will make you quit your job" because it challenged these narratives. A friend of Dolan's, working in a lucrative media job, spent an entire evening over dinner complaining about her boss, her commute and her colleagues.
"It suggested her work life was miserable," he said. "But then, at the end of the evening, she said without a hint of irony that she loved working there. It made clear to me the important distinction between how we evaluate our lives and the experience of what actually makes us happy moment to moment."
Dolan recounted a similar story – a colleague who dumped her boyfriend of seven years after reading his book. It made her realise she was living in a story about the 'kind of man' she thought she ought to be with, rather than paying attention to the day to day experiences she was actually having with him. To be happier, Dolan claims, we need to reflect on these narratives, recognise them as a barrier, and challenge them.
Dolan's advice to those of us who want to be more happier? Think about what actually makes us happy and ignore these alternative stories, which are mostly driven by "status, by what other people tell us, by expectations, by stories from culture."
Instead, we should seek experiences that have purpose and pleasure.
"Laughing, engaging in random acts of kindness, gratitude, being open to new experiences, having conversations about all things. These are all located in day-to-day experiences. Happiness is in the small stuff," he said. "it's not in the big life-changing things. It's in the every day." This article was originally published in October 2015. To learn more about our events and buy tickets for this year's conferences, go to our WIRED Events hub.
This article was originally published by WIRED UK
