While You Were Offline: The People of Twitter Agree with Rex Tillerson

Look. It's been a bad week. You know this, we know this. Whether it's the horrific shooting in Las Vegas, the not-fast-enough recovery in Puerto Rico, or the ongoing investigations into Russian interference in last year's US election, this hasn't been the most stress-free, uplifting seven days in recent memory. So, before we start to look back at some of the things that happened on the internet last week, we make you this promise: We're going to end on an up note. Or, at least, a dumb note. Think of it as the carrot at the end of a particularly grim stick, and think of it often as we start down the all-too-unfortunate road we're on.

What Happened: President Trump went to Puerto Rico to help straighten things up after Hurricane Maria. It didn't go over so well.

What Really Happened: If President Trump was getting poor reviews for his response to the Puerto Rico disaster—and he was—then surely a visit to the region would make things better, right? Yes, he and his surrogates had managed to attack the mayor of San Juan for daring to disagree with the idea that a hurricane was a "good news story," but surely when he showed up and saw everything for himself, things would turn around. Surely.

Oh, OK. Maybe not. How did it go in the end? Well, it's apparently worse than his tweets and a complete disaster, but all wasn't lost. Trump did tease that the country's debt would be wiped out, and he's the guy who makes those decisions, right?

The Takeaway: This seems about right:

What Happened: The US Secretary of State called his boss a moron. No, really.

What Really Happened: Last week President Trump posted the following message on Twitter, causing more than a few heads to spin.

Many observers were wondering if that stunning tweet—which, like so many things about the current administration, was entirely, unbelievably unprecedented—was a sign that Rex Tillerson was about to resign. Turns out, he'd already considered that months ago.

The CNBC story is amazing, with Tillerson reportedly calling President Trump a "moron" after a July 20 Pentagon meeting, according to three officials. Apparently, he was all set to resign, before being talked out of it by Vice President Mike Pence. The hive mind of Twitter found itself, perhaps for the first time, in agreement with Tillerson.

Even more delicious? When Tillerson made a public statement addressing the report, he denied that he was considering resigning, but not that he'd called Trump a moron. Let's just say that people noticed.

But perhaps it was fake news, after all. At least one source disputes the moron comment.

That's much better.

The Takeaway: Of course, the big story here might not be what Secretary Tillerson thinks of Donald Trump's intellect, but that Rex Tillerson is actually far more in touch with the people than was previously believed.

What Happened: Remember "drain the swamp"? Turns out, the president's children were regular Alec Hollands way back when. (For those who don't get the reference, good for you, non-nerd.)

What Really Happened: The scandals don't stop coming for the current administration. Just days after former Health and Human Services Secretary Tom Price resigned over spending upwards of $400,000 on private jets, news surfaced that the president's own children were almost charged with felony fraud five years ago.

The New Yorker, working with ProPublica and WNYC, broke the story, which revealed that Ivanka and Donald Trump Jr. used false information in an attempt to lure buyers for their luxury condos with one source saying there was "no doubt" they had "approved, knew of, agreed to, and intentionally inflated the numbers to make more sales… They knew it was wrong." So why didn't it turn into a thing? Well, it seems that the Manhattan District Attorney, Cyrus Vance, overruled his own staff and made the matter disappear … after being approached by Donald Trump's personal lawyer. Not a great look.

This was, as you might expect, a pretty big deal that the media couldn't ignore. Unsurprisingly, the same couldn't be said of the President of the United States.

Make America ... denialists again?

The Takeaway: Let's turn to a former employee of a fictional White House to sum this whole thing up.

What Happened: The best-laid plans were… well, let's just say "apparently not present at all" when it comes to British Prime Minster Theresa May's speech at her party's annual convention last week.

What Really Happened: If you will, please now turn your attention to life on the other side of the Atlantic, where other politicians aren't having the best of times either. Like, for example, Theresa May, who is having to deal with revolting MPs, a seeming lack of direction (or success) with the oncoming Brexit, and the increasing popularity of her main political rival, Labour leader Jeremy Corbin. She got to give a speech at the annual conference of the Conservative Party in the UK last week, and with all eyes upon her, it had to be a very polished affair where absolutely nothing went wrong.

OK, sure; so there was a faulty sign. That's embarrassing, but what about the speech itself?

Well, surely nothing else could have gone wrong…

For those unfamiliar, a P45 is a tax form that essentially means that you're being fired from your job. If having to deal with any kind of heckler is embarrassing and infuriating, this particular jibe wasn't subtle.

Still, people could have been more forgiving. After all, she had a cough! The poor woman clearly wasn't feeling her best, and everyone should take that into consideration… or maybe not.

The Takeaway: Be honest, you were thinking this too, right?

What Happened: When it comes to household plants, there's only one real question: What's yours called?

What Really Happened: With everything that's been happening in the world this week, no one could be blamed for wanting something just outright silly in their feed. With that in mind, to close out this week, we present to you: Plant names, as chosen by young adult author—and co-host of the wonderful podcast Says Who—Maureen Johnson.

It started very simply:

…And she meant it.

Please, internet. Please work out a way to pay Maureen to do this daily just so we all have something to laugh at.

The Takeaway: Of course, it's not just plants that deserve names. May we introduce the literary event of the year?

(In all seriousness, Dean Hale and Shannon Hale's The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl: Squirrel Meets World is a great read, and not just for the squirrel names.)