This article was first published in the August 2015 issue of WIRED magazine. Be the first to read WIRED's articles in print before they're posted online, and get your hands on loads of additional content by subscribing online
After failing to procure seed investment for his startup, San Francisco-based Jiang challenged himself to go through "100 days of rejection", and then blogged about it. "At the beginning, I was just trying to overcome fear," he says. "But I learned so much by getting in front of people and talking to them." The blog morphed into the book. "I thought it would be helpful to know what rejection is; how to overcome it and turn it into opportunities." Here's how you can become invincible, the Jiang way.
Understand rejection"We often think that rejection is some sort of obstacle, a painful event that we have to overcome," explains Jiang. "But I found that rejection is very subjective. It's nothing more than someone's preferences and opinions." In his assertion that there's no such thing as a "universal acceptance or rejection", Jiang states: "If you want to get a 'yes' from someone, you sometimes just have to talk to a lot of people. Some of the best books, ideas and products have gone through rejections first."\
Position yourselfIt's important to be able to maximise your chances of receiving a "yes" from someone. Honesty and a direct reference to a weakness in your request increase your chances of an affirmative response, says Jiang. Instead of going straight for the kill, Jiang recommends youempathise with people before asking for something. Do this by either acknowledging that your request may be strange, or that you're aware you're asking for a big favour. "Make these qualifiers to let people know that you understand that what you're asking might be difficult," advises Jiang.
Get past 'No'If you're refused something, Jiang recommends you always ask why. The psychological pain caused by rejection makes people more likely to end conversations soon after a "no" is issued. But, when faced with rejection, you should stand your ground. "The best thing to do is stay engaged in the conversation," says Jiang. Asking for justification for someone else's decision gives you time to think, and to learn the reasons behind a "no". Jiang recommends you turn your rejector into a collaborator as this vanquishes any adversarial feelings. "If you ask why it was rejected, you then become collaborators -- two people on the same side trying to solve one problem."\
Leave your comfort zoneIn any situation, self-rejection is the enemy. "We anticipate rejection, but a consequence of that is that we become our own rejectors. The worst that can happen is not that people say 'no' to you, it's that you say no to yourself," says Jiang. To resolve this, he recommends you challenge yourself. "Your comfort zone is like a muscle. The more you exercise it, the more confident you'll be." He recommends you do this gradually. "By leaving your comfort zone, you get stronger until something that you once thought was risky, is now part of your comfort zone."
Share your failuresInstead of fearing rejection, we should let the world witness us fail now and then. "Most people are afraid of rejection," Jiang says. "But if you have a problem you need to solve, open up and don't keep it to yourself." Jiang debunks the concept of having to appear perpetually strong and says that if you admit faults, someone out there will empathise. "If we own up to our fears publicly, we will become leaders in the tribe fighting against whatever it is that we're fighting, because then you're inspiring others."
This article was originally published by WIRED UK
