Depending upon your political leanings, tonight's election results will either have you swinging from a ceiling fan or prepping for doomsday—or maybe even both! But before the final tallies come in, at least you'll be able to kill a few pre-pandemonium hours in front of the TV, where several comedy and talk specials will attempt to distract you from the slow, steady decline of Western civilization. (Or at least give you something to turn on when CNN becomes too stressful.) Here's how to schedule your day:
For years, comedian and writer Chris Gethard hosted a delightfully ramshackle public-access talk show from New York City; this month, he's returning to his roots, with a 12-hour election day special that will air on Manhattan Neighborhood Network, and stream on MNN.org. It will be chaotic, cringe-invoking, and absolutely free of nuanced political discussion—just like the cable-news networks themselves!
The Weather Channel will take a break its usual storm-und-drang coverage to present a nine-hour "chill marathon" that will feature tranquil vistas and smooth-jazz soundscapes.
MTV has been a major player in election coverage since the choose-or-lose heyday of the early '90s, and tonight the network will provide live updates and commentary from the likes of Ana Marie Cox, Meredith Graves, and Jamil Smith. Tune in for all the 411...and maybe even some 311, as well!
After mainlining almost an entire day's worth of public-access nonsense and pastoral soft-rock, flip over to Lifetime's The View Live Election Special, where co-hosts Joy Behar, Jedediah Bila, Candace Cameron Bure, Sara Haines, and Sunny Hostin will discuss the early results, talk about the big issues, and send, like, a dozen C.O.D. pizzas to Elisabeth Hasselbeck's house. Guests include former Miss Universe (and occasional Trump target) Alicia Machado, D.L. Hughley, and Kathy Najimy.
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Uh-oh! You've gone almost a full hour without listening to a mouthy white guy talk about politics! Better tune in to Comedy Central's Tosh.0lection Special.
Earlier this year, Stephen Colbert revived "Stephen Colbert," the supremely confident truthiness-teller who made The Colbert Report one of the most happily damning political-spoofs of all time. We're guessing the old Stephen might make a cameo on Showtime's Stephen Colbert's Live Election Night Democracy's Series Finale: Who's Going To Clean Up This Shit?, a special that will air just as results start rolling in, and which will set its host free from the constraints of network television—meaning we'll finally get to see him make out with Dominic West. But Colbert won't be the only Viacom vixen taking on the election late into this night, because just a few stations away...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9334QCChovo&list=PLeskMkEaHJYdCXL2yfNxPCjbEzpvzNCXS&index=1
...Trevor Noah will be hosting a special hour-long live edition of The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, which will serve as a send-off to the show's "Democalypse 2016" coverage—and possibly to democracy itself!
Obviously, this is the time of the night when you'll need to start switching between channels to keep up on all the good stuff (unless, of course, you've got one of those Adrian Veidt multi-screen hook-ups). But be sure to make time for the hour-long *Desus & Mero *election special on Viceland, which promises to have some of the strongest Gary Johnson material of the night.
As the tallies begin to solidify, and the nation's leading recount lawyers begin updating their retainer fees, Comedy Central's @midnight will host its own election special, which will likely consist of several well-respected comedians sitting in a greenroom and staring intently at their cellphones as they Google the terms "Toronto citizenship?" and "cost of living." Wheeeeeee!
