While You Were Offline: Grab Your Muskets for David S. Pumpkins!

It was the best of times, it was the wo—actually, who are we kidding? 2016 has seemed like nothing but the worst of times, so much so that even the welcome return of Gorillaz feels like a cruel tease of terrible things to come. But while you've been hiding under the blanket (always a good idea at this time of year, as the days get shorter), there are certain things that might have escaped your notice. That's where we come in. Welcome, dear friends, to the things that you might have missed over the past seven days of world wide webbery.

What Happened: One Donald Trump supporter tweeted out his plans for the day after the election should Hillary Clinton win. You won't believe what happened next!
Where It Blew Up: Twitter, media reports
What Really Happened: You can't deny it: passions are certainly running high as this year's U.S. Presidential election careens towards its climax, with supporters of both Hillary Clinton and Donald J. Trump getting increasingly excited about what might happen. Look, here's one of the latter now, former Republican congressman Joe Walsh:

…Okay. So that was somewhat unexpected. Thankfully, Twitter was ready with entirely appropriate responses:

As the media got involved (it must be the musket), Walsh started defending his tweets by arguing that, hey, muskets aren't that big a deal, but he's really, really serious, man:

Meanwhile, other people has some suggestions for other objects that could be grabbed in case of emergency:

The Takeaway: On the plus side, perhaps we've all been reading Walsh's tweet wrong and he's actually just preparing for a trip back in time.

What Happened: The core—no pun intended—audience for Apple's latest event might have been the media, but the place to pay attention for speedy, unvarnished opinion was Twitter.
Where It Blew Up: Twitter, media reports
What Really Happened: Apple held one of its regular irregular events this week, announcing new MacBook Pros, a new TV app and better cameras, because it always announces better cameras. As one would anticipate, it received a great deal of media attention (we humbly suggest that Wired's coverage was amongst the most comprehensive, of course), but for those who wanted to follow along with the event live without the "filter" of "big media," there was only one thing to do—watch the event being live tweeted by people who know what the truly important takeaways should be:

The hike in prices for the MacBook Pro was certainly a big topic amongst the Twitterati:

But wait, that's not the only reason to cry…

When the general takeaway is that Microsoft is out Apple-ing Apple, then it's clear that this wasn't a huge success of an event. Indeed, this seemed to sum up much of the response overall:

The Takeaway: But don't worry, Apple has lots of exciting new twists up its sleeve for future events…!

What Happened: In a genuinely rare case of the Internet spinning hate into love, an attack on one politician turns into a rare uplifting hashtag.
Where It Blew Up: Twitter
What Really Happened: It's rare that we have to thank Fox Business personality Lou Dobbs for the creation of anything, never mind an oddly charming, upbeat social media meme, but the unusual nature of the current political climate can do anything, it seems. Let's start with Dobbs' odious, accidental origin tweet, shall we…?

Yes, in trying to undermine the candidacy of Evan McMillin—something that doesn't really need a lot of undermining because, honestly, how many people even knew he was running for President?—Dobbs used the term "Mormon Mafia." It's not a new term, sadly, but it's one that caught a lot of people's attention. McMullin responded on CNN, saying, "I would love to hear from Lou what exactly the Mormon Mafia is. I would love to hear him describe what that is, I think that would be an interesting conversation."

While Dobbs has yet to try and explain what his idea of the Mormon Mafia is, other Twitter users have stepped up to offer their own definition… and it sounds lovely.

Where do we sign up?
The Takeaway: Of course, if it is a mafia, then there's got to be some level of fallout, right…?

What Happened: Internet, may I introduce you to David S. Pumpkins…?
Where It Blew Up: Twitter, media reports
What Really Happened: It was the Saturday Night Live sketch that took the Internet by storm. For those that didn't see it last week, meet the unofficial new patron saint of Halloween:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rS00xWnqwvI&feature=youtu.be

The Twitter response to the skit was immediate:

In addition to Twitter, the media was eager to jump on the Pumpkins bandwagon, even going so far as to offer costume advice so fans could dress like him. Not everyone is a fan, however; Colin Hanks, for example, seems kind of freaked out by the whole thing. And then, there are the contrarians…

The Takeaway: It's been a week of highs and lows for Tom Hanks, apparently; he starts it off with his most beloved character in years, and ends it with people unable to tell him apart from Bill Murray. If there was ever a reminder of the fickle nature of fame, this would be it.

What Happened: Farewell, Vine. You gave us some of the best miniature video moments of our life.
Where It Blew Up: Twitter, media reports
What Really Happened: It was the news few expected, as it was announced Thursday that Vine would be discontinued as a mobile app in the face of parent company Twitter facing a harsh economic future.

The news, of course, prompted plenty of headlines from concerned media outlets (including this very location), but not everyone was that bothered, it seemed:

Oh, okay. Perhaps it was more than just teenagers who felt exercised by the news:

But, wait! Perhaps Vine doesn't have to die, because Pornhub has offered to buy the service, with the promise that it could "restore Vine to its NSFW glory" because—and we quote the official press release from Pornhub here—"spurts of porn in six seconds is more than enough time for most people to truly enjoy themselves." The, uh, ball's in your court now, Twitter…
The Takeaway: Of course, it's not all bad news if Vine does go away…

https://twitter.com/JoelRubin_/status/791682605468962816