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Jamie Denbo and John Ross Bowie are ace improv comedians—you’ve seen her in Spy and him in The Heat, among other things. They’re also the parents of an 8-year-old girl and a 6-year-old boy. And improvisational skills turn out to be a key to successful—or at least survivable—parenting. “Improvisers make good parents,” Denbo says, “and parents turn into really good improvisers.” Here are a few of the rules of the game.
Yes, and …
“It’s a central tenet of improv,” Bowie says. “No matter what the circumstances, it sets the scene moving in a positive direction, and that’s a wonderful skill with kids. And kids are natural improvisers. Yes, and there’s a dungeon! Yes, and there’s a princess! Being able to step in and do that with them is valuable, because your natural inclination as you get older is to tamp down.”
Fall on Your Sword
“In general as an improviser,” Denbo says, “you’re accustomed to the idea of looking foolish, and when you’re a parent you are pretty much going to fall on the sword more often than you think, whether you look foolish for your child or because of your child. On the playground, we use our improv to make other kids laugh at us so our kids find a team.”
Listen Closely
“Not just to what’s being said, but to how it’s being said,” Bowie says. “Your kids have these big emotions they can’t put into words.”
Build the Scene
“Some people will go for the quick joke and not pay attention to the consequences,” Bowie says. “But all parenting is a series of long-term decisions.” Denbo adds: “You plan the perfect day for your kid—this is what we’re gonna do, this is where we’re gonna go, and then they’re fucking bags of maniacs filled with lunacy. And you change. Improv is all about working with other people and making room to adjust. If you don’t have that kind of flex in parenting, you’re going to be miserable.”
