To celebrate the release of Independence Day: Resurgence, a totally necessary, uncompromisingly intellectual sequel, we present to you this, a totally necessary, uncompromisingly intellectual ranking of pretend US presidents in feature-length films. A few ground rules: We're sticking with movie presidents, because otherwise The West Wing's Jed Bartlet would occupy every slot. And we're ignoring portrayals of real presidents, because lord knows Daniel Day-Lewis doesn't need any more positive reinforcement. Also, as always, all rankings are official and binding.
Not so much a president as a dispenser of rapid and addled one-liners, Tug Benson makes this list if only because he’s the sole Commander in Chief, real or imagined, to best Saddam Hussein in a sword fight. At least, as far as we know.
Many parts of this movie were easier to watch before our current election cycle, but Terry Crews’ take on the office—“five-time Ultimate Smackdown champion, porn superstar, and president of the United States,” in that order—remains as fresh as ever. It’s funny because it could never happen in real life! Right, guys? Right?
President Andrew Shepherd is basically President Jed Bartlet, if you replace “solving the world’s most intractable political problems with avuncular grace and charm” with “feeling pretty mopey about getting his girlfriend fired.” And you know what? We’ll still take it. Jed Bartlet’s just that good.
If ever there’s a globe-threatening natural disaster, let’s all agree to have Morgan Freeman break the news. In fact, let’s also give him a mic after things go sideways; nobody ever made the total destruction of the Atlantic coasts of multiple continents sound so hopeful.
Bless Harrison Ford for turning a line as silly as “Get off my plane” into a cultural touchstone. But President James Marshall is more than a single catchphrase! While we don’t know much about his policy positions, we do know that he’s as skilled in hand-to-hand combat as he is at evading MiG-29 missiles while piloting what’s basically a giant floating office complex.
Technically Kevin Klein played both the real president and his Average Joe doppelgänger; we’re of course talking about the latter. He’s not a war hero or an action star, but who else would balance the budget with a little common sense and a lot of Charles Grodin? Who else could face off against Frank Langella in his prime? Who else is capable of faking a stroke in front of Congress, then switching places in an ambulance with the real president, who’d had a real stroke a few months ago, and… uh... . Okay, but that other stuff is great, really.
Yes, sure, Muffley’s efforts to stave off total nuclear war are ultimately unsuccessful. At least before the world vanishes in a mushroom-clouded haze, he gives us the most entertaining moment of telephone diplomacy on film: Gently breaking the news to his Russian counterpart—“I am as sorry as you are, Dimitri”—that nukes are en route.
That speech! I strongly recommend watching it for the first time as a 15-year-old in a crowded movie theater in 1996, but I’m sure it’s equally stirring otherwise. Fun fact: This is the only time the title of a movie has been stated aloud in that movie as a key dramatic moment and it worked.
As a real president featured in a streaming series, the Ronald Reagan of Netflix’s Wet Hot American Summer revival should be doubly disqualified from this list. But you know what? Showalter’s take on The Gipper is just too batshit wonderful to ignore. He’s the most absurd plot line of last year’s most absurd show, and he’s got my vote forever.
