While You Were Offline: Witness the Rise of the Batman v Superman Review Truther

There's no getting around it; it's been a really crappy week. From North Carolina's House Bill 2 to the terrorist attacks in Brussels (and subsequent manhunt), it seems as though everything in the world is terrible and appalling. Guess what? The Internet of the last seven days agrees (kind of). Here are the highlights of the World Wide Web for the last week, if you can struggle through the fact that humanity is such garbage that we have nostalgia for the 1990s and can corrupt artificial intelligences in less than 24 hours. (What have we become?!?)

What Happened: We all knew it would happen, eventually; humanity is given the chance to teach an artificial intelligence how to be more human, and it learns all the bad stuff first.
Where It Blew Up: Blogs, media think pieces
What Really Happened: Stop me if you've heard this one before: Scientists introduce artificial intelligence to the world, artificial intelligence sees the Internet, has to be stopped because it's gone insane as a result. Sure, you're thinking to yourself, that's the plot of Avengers: Age of Ultron. It's also the real-life story of Microsoft's Tay, an AI debuted on Wednesday with the aim of "experiment[ing] with and conduct[ing] research on conversational understanding" by engaging with 18- to 24-year-olds on social media.

You can see how this would go wrong already, can't you?

Within a day, Tay was taken offline to "absorb" what it had learned. Because what it had learned was that the Internet was filled with garbage.

Tweets Tay posted included the following, which are... quietly disturbing:

But, wait. There were some deleted ones just a little moreoutthere.

Unsurprisingly, this was something that the rest of the Internet couldn't resist, with Tay quickly becoming famous for its racist messages. No wonder Microsoft pulled the plug.
The Takeaway: This is why Skynet happens, you guys. We've literally brought this onto ourselves.

What Happened: You might think that, now that video rentals are a thing of the past, you don't have to worry about returning that tape you've had for years. You'd be wrong.
Where It Blew Up: Blogs, media think pieces
What Really Happened: James Meyers was arrested for our sins.

The 37-year-old North Carolina man was arrested Tuesday over his failure to return a copy of Freddy Got Fingered that he'd borrowed from a video store (that has, of course, since closed) back in 2001. Turns out, that's a Class 3 misdemeanor in the state, and carries a $200 fine—a fine that, unusually enough, Freddy Got Fingered star Tom Green has volunteered to pay.

The surreality of the situation prompted much coverage, likely from those who can't believe anyone could be arrested over a Tom Green movie. Well, aside from Tom Green himself, of course.
The Takeaway: Now is the ideal time to start wondering if you definitely returned that copy of Twin Peaks you got just before the move before last. Sure, you think you gave it back, but are you really sure...?

What Happened: Early reviews came out for Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. Swaths of the Internet decided not to accept them.
Where It Blew Up: Twitter, media think pieces
What Really Happened: Ahead of the release of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice this weekend, reviews started appearing online. First there were the fans on social media, unburdened by such things as embargoes, and things looked promising:

The Takeaway: Hey, hardcore fans, here's a question. If the people who made the movie can be relatively chill about these shitty reviews, maybe you should calm the hell down. Especially because if you don't, then we're not going to collect the bounty that Disney has promised for getting you to take it easy. C'mon, do us a solid.

What Happened: In the wake of more violence (and threats, thereof) at rallies for Republican presidential frontrunner Donald Trump, the Internet decided to ask itself: What, exactly, would be safer than attending a Trump rally?
Where It Blew Up: Twitter, media think pieces
What Really Happened: Let's be honest: Trump's rallies were scary places even before the violence broke out. Like, remember this? Things are now at the point where NPR reporters are taking "threat training" to prepare to attend.

In the middle of this, Twitter decided to look on the bright side and list the things that are, in fact, #SaferThanATrumpRally. The answers, as you might hope, were enlightening.

What Happened: We don't know how it happened either, but somehow the '90s escaped again and managed to ruin literature. We thought this was under control by now. Where It Blew Up: Twitter What Really Happened: This one really needs no explanation, just horrified acceptance that it exists. (But if you want explanation, just thank Barnes and Noble's social media team.)

Exactly.
The Takeaway: Burn it all. Just do it. Now. Maureen Johnson has the right idea: