While You Were Offline: Kanye West Has the Best Tweets of All Time! OF ALL TIME!

Even for the traditional insanity that is the Internet, this has been a strange week. Child-faced drug kingpin Martin Shkreli was dissed by Ghostface Killah in a video that also made a heartfelt plea for affordable health care. (The video led to this wonderful poll, which really didn't go the way Martin wanted.) Meryl Streep reminded you that all your faves are problematic. And the most popular livestream on the Internet wasn't Kanye West's new album, but the end of the Oregon wilderness center occupation. (Don't worry, though; there's a lot of Kanye to come.) Was there something in the water? Is Mercury in cyber-retrograde or something? Either way, here are some important stories that you might have missed while combatting the hustle and bustle of the World Wide Web.

What Happened: The increasing urgency of Hillary Clinton's fundraising emails brought the snark wrath of the Internet down upon its head.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: Things are apparently looking increasingly desperate at the Clinton campaign in light of Bernie Sanders' skyrocketing popularity. A fundraising email sent on the night of the New Hampshire primary that emphatically (and over-excitedly) stated that the campaign "absolutely, critically need[s] to make sure Hillary comes out on top in the states that lie ahead" made the same mistake twice—not only including the phrase "I'm not kidding, [recipient name]" in the body of the email itself asking for a one dollar donation, but making that phrase the subject line of the email. So if, for example, that email was sent to someone called Maddi, the following might happen as the email went viral:

(For those curious, the #BSDMS mentioned in that tweet isn't a dyslexic version of BDSM; it's a reference to Bernie Sanders' Dank Meme Stash, a Sanders-centric Facebook group where this particular meme got its start.)

Of course, it's not just Maddi that the Clintons are harassing:

Before too long, #ImNotKiddingMaddi was trending on Twitter, which could mean only one thing: brands would try and cash in on that hot social media currency.

The Takeaway: Of course, the unanswered question in all of this is, did Maddi actually give Clinton that dollar?

What Happened: The trusted Kanye West Promotional Machine hit a speed bump this week thanks to one three-word tweet.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: Kanye West has had a hell of a week. Ahead of premiering his entire new album The Life of Pablo at the Yeezy Season 3 fashion show—livestreamed across the Internet Thursday, of course—he drew ire for this tweet:

Oh, wait. He... didn't... right?

As should only be expected in such circumstances, Kanye's tweet caught the attentionof the media, which similarly struggled to come to terms with it.

Still, at least we can rest assured that West followed that tweet with what every responsible artist does in such circumstances; an apology and asking for forg—wait, he followed it up with what?

Maybe that was the right approach. As long as he kept his head down and didn't say anything else controversial or ridiculous this week, everything should've blown over just fine...

The Takeaway: As was pointed out, it's possible that we were all jumping to conclusions about what Kanye actually meant in the first place.

What Happened: Lyrics from Kanye West's new track "Famous" referenced his old quasi-nemesis Taylor Swift in, shall we say, a problematic manner.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: For lesser men, the Cosby tweet would have sunk any other plans that were made for this week, but fans apparently forgave Kanye for siding with a man accused of drugging and raping multiple women just because his new music was that good. Or, at least, he was forgiven until Thursday's Yeezy Season 3/Life of Pablo event played "Famous," a track that contained the lyric, "I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex/Why? I made that bitch famous."

...Yeah.

Twitter, would you like to take this one?

Actually, let's turn to Taylor's brother for some Instagram commentary, shall we?

As the upset went from social media to mainstream outlets, Taylor Swift's management issued a statement saying that "Kanye did not call for approval [of the lyric, as he had earlier claimed], but to ask Taylor to release his single 'Famous' on her Twitter account. She declined and cautioned him about releasing a song with such a strong misogynistic message. Taylor was never made aware of the actual lyric, 'I made that bitch famous.'" (Swift herself has stayed remarkably quiet as of this writing.)

According to a series of tweets from Kanye on Friday, however, things are even more complicated:

Got that? He meant "bitch" in a nice way, and Kim was down with it. Why do you hate artists with your prudishness, you guys? ("You can stop us" is the most perfect typo, however.)

The Takeaway: On the one hand, sure, let's not try to compromise art or silence artistic endeavors. On the other hand, anytime someone's first response to, "Why you got to say crap like that?" is the generic I'm an artist, I gotta express myself, that's not really a great look. If you're seeking an upside, just think about the almost inevitable Taylor response track that'll appear in a year or so.

What Happened: Beyoncé's new track set the Internet on fire, but outside of those who enjoy good music, who were the biggest winners? Apparently protest announcements and Red Lobster.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: Look, we've already talked about how great "Formation" is, so let's not go into that again. Instead, let's go into the fallout that it left behind. Namely, this:

Yes, #BoycottBeyonce is a real thing. So real, in fact, that an anti-Beyoncé protest has been announced for February 16 outside NFL headquarters in New York. That might end up being a busy location, however, as pro-Bey activists have announced an "anti-anti-Beyoncé protest rally" in the same location, at the same time. There's no way this could end badly, right? Everyone will just have a dance-off like in West Side Story or something, right? Right?

Post-protests, there's only one place where everyone should be headed: Red Lobster, which saw a 33 percent bump in sales Sunday after being name checked in "Formation." Appearing on CNBC, CEO Kim Lopdrup said, "It's clear that Beyoncé has helped create some Red Lobster fans, and we are very grateful to her for that."

The Takeaway: We all patiently await a new era of Red Lobster-sponsored negotiations between political activists on the issue of police brutality towards minorities in the US. It won't happen, but we can dream.

What Happened: A new Twitter feed pointed out the lack of imagination in Hollywood when it comes to introducing female characters.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: That Hollywood is sexist isn't news, sadly—a study released this week showed that, while the percentage of women at the center of the top 100 grossing movies of the year jumped 10 percent in 2015, that still only took the number to 22 percent—but producer Ross Putman decided to share a side of sexism that many might not be aware of with the Twitter account @femscriptintros. As the name might suggest, it's an account that shares the initial descriptions of female characters in actual movie scripts (with every name changed to "Jane," to remove identifiers):

Almost as soon as it was launched, the account went viral, deservedly. It's a great, if somewhat depressing read.

The Takeaway: A little thing we're calling the Jane Test.