In 99.9999 percent of cases, TV commercials are something to fast-forward through on the DVR or pretty much ignore online. The other .0001 percent of the time is the Super Bowl, when commercials become appointment viewing. For months before The Big Game, companies spend copious hours and piles of money making ads that they spend piles of money—$5 million a pop this year—to air, all in a desperate bid to sell something and become the 30-second spot everyone is talking about.
Even before the game ends, the best ads become part of the pop culture canon and the failures ... well, they're equally memorable, even if everyone wishes they could be unseen. (Looking at you, Puppy Monkey Baby.) And so here are our awards for the best and worst of this year’s Super Bowl commercials.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ndPEQCoSzk
This is a commercial for avocados from Mexico, which we presume was needed to compete with avocados from California. But don’t let the late turn toward selling delicious and healthy fruit essential to that Super Bowl party staple, guacamole, keep you from enjoying a delightful trip through this alternate version of The Collector’s gallery from Guardians of the Galaxy. A group of aliens follows a tour guide through an exhibit that includes the mythical Cube of Rubik, the seats in a commercial airliner (a 21st century torture device), the emoji alphabet, the white and gold dress (or was it blue and black?) that caused a civil war, and the illustrious Scott Baio. It’s a gallery any museum of pop culture ephemera would love to possess. Just make sure to feed Scott Baio once in a while.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6OmHbZ2vHs
Nothing about Super Bowl commercials ever really makes sense, but seeing Jeff Goldblum sing the theme song to The Jeffersons makes so little sense it’s almost perfect. Especially since he’s seated at a baby grand piano that is literally moving on up to the top floor of an apartment building, where we find George Washington and Lil Wayne grilling hamburgers. Well, that’s one way to move units, Apartments.com.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yB8tgVqmKzw
If you’re like us, and you probably are, you still get a little choked up when you hear a David Bowie song. That’s why this Audi ad, which merges space race nostalgia with Bowie’s “Starman,” could’ve easily felt like too much too soon. But the ad nailed it, right down to the cuts between the older man and his younger astronaut self. (We’ll overlook what must be a huge violation of the speed limit.) Single tear.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rb2VXVmUga4
Notoriously Frank and Uncensored British Lady Helen Mirren drinks a Budweiser and encourages you to not drink and drive by hurtling very well-worded insults at those who do so. We’d always kinda pegged Mirren for the champagne or dry martini type, but whatever. If someone can get people to not drive drunk then it doesn’t matter what beverage they’re doing it with. Also, we all need more Helen Mirren in our lives.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=60&v=u-7l3f43sbY
He’s a sports fan. No, he’s a gambler. No, he’s an advertising executive who spent a lot of money to put a stupid cream cheese ad on during the Super Bowl! Get it? It’s very self-referential. Nicely done, Adobe Marketing Cloud.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-R_483zeVF8
Look, we know Kevin Hart was called in as a tough guy in for Get Hard, but he also seems like a pretty sweet dude, so watching him go all Protective Dad in this Hyundai commercial is pretty funny. Also, it makes this whole “car finder” feature the scariest thing to happen to teens since they realized their moms were on Facebook.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ko7GuDOv4BM
This one got real gross real fast. At first this seems like one of those Women are so uptight, amirite?! kind of commercials. (The woman in question was upset her partner was eating Doritos during her ultrasound.) It got vaguely cute when the baby in the womb started moving in the direction of the nacho cheese chip. However, when the woman threw the Dorito and it forced the baby to launch itself out of her womb, well, no one was hungry after that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ql7uY36-LwA
No but really, what the actual hell is a “Puppy Monkey Baby” and why did any of us need to see it during the Super Bowl? Moreover, did the world’s most unappealing hybrid need to sing? Did it make anyone want to drink anything besides arsenic, let alone Mountain Dew Kickstart (which, frankly, no one ought to be drinking anyway)? These are all questions without answers, but one thing is true, when you’ve terrified legendary Scarer of Children R.L. Stine, you’ve gone too far.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Hnldf3z4bY
What happens when your bowels hold their own bowels? Thanks to Xifaxan, now you know. This ad, featuring claymation intestines, is for a treatment for irritable bowel syndrome with diarrhea (emphasis theirs), and just could not be more unintelligible. First off, it’s pretty unclear why guts would like football. It also seems odd that this particular Gut Guy seems to having issues with his own guts (can bowels have bowels?). But what’s most unintelligible is the fact that no one at any of these sporting events seems the least bit surprised that they’re cheering next to a pile of clay innards.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYeM-8hO3hM
So, this Toyota Prius commercial, which also might be tapping into the current OJ Simpson mania by showing a bunch of bank robbers on the run white-Bronco-style, has A) bank robbers who wear pink, Pussy Riot-style masks and B) a girl group also in those masks, and both of those things seem to be alluding to the Russian feminist punk group. That’s all well and good, except Pussy Riot are pretty anti-capitalist and would likely not really be down to sell cars. Just saying.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y-4pGhRxek
In an attempt to make #BaldwinBowl happen, Amazon used Alec Baldwin (and his tres sexy voice) to try selling people on the Echo. Going full Jack Donaghy, Baldwin and former Dolphins quarterback Dan Marino discuss the logistics of a “snack stadium” and occasionally invoke the help of Echo’s Alexa. But the takeaway here is that Echo would be awesome if you could make Alexa sound like Alec. (The follow-up with Missy Elliot was better, though.)
