In my quest to watch the Star Wars movies for the first time, I've made it through A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi, and have moved on to the lesser trilogy. I was wary going into Star Wars: Episode I—The Phantom Menace, since everyone I've talked to vehemently hates it. However, since I have no nostalgic childhood attachment to the franchise, I wasn't entirely sure my reaction would be as strong. I don't know what I expected, but I definitely didn't anticipate a discomfiting re-do of the original 1977 Star Wars, downgraded by the addition of CGI and a lot of cheesy, made-for-mocking dialogue.
And yet, that's what I got.
The prequel for so beloved a series should be made for the fans who grew up with the originals. But The Phantom Menace is just a remake of A New Hope for a new generation. It's an uncomfortable middle ground. The only moments when The Phantom Menace really worked were when it stopped trying to make a movie for everyone and either fully catered to its original, nostalgic fan base or to late-1990s kids looking for a space adventure movie. Sometimes it creates magic with tech not available to the original trilogy—the otherworldly city of Otoh Gunga, for example—and sometimes it caters to the base (a category that somehow now includes me) and throws in the old-school slide effects and familiar faces (hey, Jabba!). Rarely does it do both well simultaneously.
Most of that backstory, of course, is around Anakin Skywalker. And man, that kid is great! Like young Luke in A New Hope, Anakin is goofy ("This is tense!"), sweet (his handmade present for Padmé), and ambitious ("I want to be the first one to see them all!"). But Anakin also is fearless and resourceful, while Luke can be sulking and unsure of himself. I really like this kid—and am looking forward to seeing the coming-of-age (and downfall) of the best damn nine-year-old mechanic the galaxy has ever seen.
Beyond Anakin, it’s fun to meet the youthful versions of the characters I’ve grown to care about: ungenerous Yoda, power-hungry Senator Palpatine, a thriving Jabba the Hutt... And not-yet-wise Obi-Wan Kenobi, who carries on the Star Wars tradition of terrible fad hairstyles by repping the worst part of 1999: the rat tail.
And, of course, I loved witnessing the beginning of one of the greatest movie friendships: R2-D2 and C-3PO. That’s what this movie should have been: more behind-the-scenes glimpses into the lives of Star Wars stars, for the fans who adore them (including C-3PO in the nude—a surprisingly carefree youth for a distinguished character I've only ever seen demurely clad in his signature crop top).
Overall, the CGI—and other changes, like a much more varied, complex soundtrack, and some welcome diversity—didn't bother me as much as it bothers those who grew up with the originals. I grew up expecting CGI in sci-fi. But the effects do enable one of the most teeth-grindingly annoying characters I’ve ever had the displeasure to meet: Jar Jar Binks. In this lesser version of the trilogy, he's meant to fill the role of astonished comic relief, but instead of doing it in an endearingly concerned way, like C-3PO does, Jar Jar hams it up with dumb gags. I won’t dwell on how irritating he is—everyone wore out that gripe 15 years ago—so I'll leave the parting words to C-3PO, who delicately remarks, "I find that Jar Jar creature to be a bit ... odd."
So, I'm glad to report that I’ve safely made it through what I hear is the worst of the Star Wars movies—and there was still a lot to like. Want to take on the next bonus Star Wars Challenge? Join me and watch Attack of the Clones this week!
Lessons Learned:
• There is such a thing as too much pod-racing—I believe that scene was five hours long, but I can’t be sure, because both Jabba and I dozed off around the 20-minute mark.
• Civil rights in this galaxy counter the usual historical narrative, as it loses its diversity and suffers a takeover by white men with time.
• There are different styles of lightsabers!
• "Bantha fodder" is no slang—that's an insult that stands the test of time.
Lingering Questions:
• Do I have to go through this whole love triangle question again, with Anakin and Padmé and Obi-Wan? I’m assuming Anakin and Padmé are not twins, because of the wild age difference—could Padmé be Luke and Leia's mom? (Again, bracing myself for inevitable Internet embarrassment on this one.)
• Is Shmi Skywalker the second woman to experience immaculate conception? If Uncle Owen is the brother of Anakin, was he also conceived through immaculate conception?
• Related: What’s the deal with midi-chlorians?
• Will Anakin actually come back to free his mom?
• Yoda remarks that there are always two Sith, a master and an apprentice. Which one is Darth Maul?
• I'm glad to see more lightsaber action in this trilogy. Do the different colors indicate different things, or were those just the rules on my elementary school playground?
• Who is the ghost at the end of Return of the Jedi with Yoda and old Obi-Wan?
• What illness or injury afflicts Darth Vader?
• What causes the decline of the reign of Jabba, who gets downgraded from presiding over lavish chariot-races in The Phantom Menace to supervising gladiatorial fights in the sewers of Tattooine in The Empire Strikes Back?
