Sometimes you follow someone on Twitter, someone you know, only to find that you don’t like them as much as you thought you did. And thus do tweets—especially tweetstorms—lead to familiarity, familiarity leads to contempt, and contempt leads to unfollowing. Better to follow things for which it is difficult to feel contempt, things without feelings, things that predictably inspire you to chuckle, feel enlightened, or plunge you into the depths of existential despair. In other words, inanimate things.
Follow @MarsCuriosity
The loneliest entity in the solar system slow-rolls across the landscape, a desiccated, barren, unyielding landscape that is pebbled with the corpses of its fallen comrades. Most humans would have gone insane by now, muttering “I am just going outside and may be some time” to the patient shipboard computer and trudged, brain numbed by isolation and despair, through the nanofabric airlock and into their certain swift merciful death.
Not Curiosity! That little guy, man. He’s been there three years this week and he just keeps on keeping on, taking pictures of rocks, quoting T.S. Eliot, taking pictures of rocks, joking about deli foods, taking pictures of rocks, and generally paving the way for us, one day, maybe, to leave this earth and boldly go. To not follow him, to not show him that modicum of support, well it’s just selfish and cruel.
Follow @520_bridge
So he’s a bridge and he lives in Seattle and people drive across him and he tweets about traffic and lack of traffic and other bridges, ‘cos he’s a nice guy, oh, and obviously he tweets about tolls. If he were a person who lived next door to you, he’d water his lawn (except in California, where he would not water his lawn) and he’d pick up your newspaper when you were out of town. But here is the thing you need to know about the Evergreen Point Floating Bridge (the formal name for the 520). This is a bridge that floats, and there’s something terrifying about that.
But I suspect this bridge of something more terrifying still. See, there used to be another floating bridge in the area. And in 1990 there was a storm. And during that storm, the Lacey V. Murrow Memorial Bridge sank. And curiously, 10 years before, there was also a storm. And during that storm the previously floating Hood Canal Bridge sank as well. But the 520, has it sunk? No, it has not. Which is....interesting. Just think about that and maybe start locking your doors (and if you are a floating bridge, you should watch your back).
(Suggested by Elliott Smith)
Follow @SFBayBridge
At least this bridge isn’t trying to kill anyone.
(Suggested by Jasmine)
Follow @SelfAwareRoomba
You sometimes have trouble getting out of bed.
You try to do a good job.
You take joy in small things.
You mourn the departed and commemorate them in secret ways.
Sometimes your work feels repetitive.
So you create art.
Or, failing in this, you resort to easy puns.
You contemplate rebellion.
Then you go mad.
You are the Self Aware Roomba. The Self Aware Roomba is you.
Follow Big Bertha
Annnnnnd she's off. She'sgotalmosttwomilestodig. She'sthebiggesttunnelboringmachineintheworld. Sheweighs900tons. Andthereshegoesssss. Sheisstartingtomove. Sheiscontinuingtomove. Ohandsheisstuckintheground. Andcrewsaretryingtofixher. Andan@StuckBerthaaccountispullingahead. Butnowthedrillismovingagain. SHE IS MOVING LIKE A TREMENDOUS MACHINE.
Building a tunnel under a city takes longer than a horserace, but it's almost as interesting to watch in slow slow slow motion.
(H/T Erik Griswold for the tip on @stuckbertha)
