We Want Quirky Spy Flicks, Not Generic Action Movies

For once, the reason I'm shouting, “Uncle!” isn't a third-grade bully! I can't wait for the Friday premiere of The Man From U.N.C.L.E., mostly because it actually takes place in the 1960s, when the original series was set. Its Ian Fleming-created blend of gadgetry, fisticuffs, and acronymic secret societies is as '60s as it gets: frequently absurd, yet always self-aware enough to be tongue-in-cheek. (That's why I never got the Austin Powers films—they're like a spoof of a spoof.) And somehow, U.N.C.L.E. director Guy Ritchie of all people looks to be maintaining that aesthetic! His respect for the source material is all the more surprising given that the further we get from the 1960s, the more generic spy cinema has gotten. The rebooted Jack Ryan flicks, the Mission: Impossible franchise, even modern-day Bond films—they're just action movies. Resituating classic characters in the present day is positively Blofeldian! That's why, inspired by The Man From U.N.C.L.E., I'm founding my own evil organization. As the overlord of S.T.F.U. (Stopping Time-based Franchise Updates), I will lobby ceaselessly to ensure that Guy Ritchie is granted stewardship of any and all Cold War-era thrillers. Anyone else who dares step behind the lens will have a reservation for one at the laser-shark arena in my secret volcano lair!