While You Were Offline: Huh. Turns Out Celebrities Are Vain

It says something about the wonders of the human mind that, even in a week as horrific as this one (a concept we seem to be dealing with with increasing frequency, sadly; this week, it was the suspicious death of Sandra Bland and the Lafayette movie theater shooting that brought tragedy into our lives), the Internet at large can still find itself obsessed with the question of whether or not two pop stars have fallen out. Truly, we contain multitudes ... or, at least, an impressive capacity for distraction. In case you weren't distracted enough over the last seven days, here's a roundup of the craziness of the world wide web in the last week.

What Happened: Nicki Minaj had some thoughts about "Anaconda" being passed over for an MTV VMA nomination. Unfortunately, Taylor Swift misunderstood.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: It was the misunderstanding heard around the world. In response to "Anaconda" being absent from the nominees for MTV's 2015 Video Music Awards, Nicki Minaj had something she wanted to share with the world:

That last comment didn't sit too well with someone who was nominated, however:

Minaj was initially confused by this response—understandably, considering she wasn't talking about Taylor in the first place:

And quickly enough, she had to defend herself against the accusation that she was taking shots at Taylor in the first place:

If Nicki seemed uncertain about what was going on, others were there to support her: "The Nicki Minaj debate is bigger than Taylor Swift's ego" went the headline of one piece, while another supported her initial comments. Vibe ran a piece telling Taylor that the complaints had nothing to do with Swift, while The Atlantic examined the attempt to "silence" Minaj.

Other celebrities were just as swift—no pun intended, really—to add their thoughts. Katy Perry couldn't help herself, with an ill-considered jab...

Meanwhile, Ed Sheeran and Bruno Mars... well, you can see for yourself. The faux feud continued until the next day, when someone had clearly suggested Taylor Swift re-read what Nicki had originally written:

Minaj was gracious in her response:

All's well that ends well...?

The Takeaway: Well, OK, maybe not all's well. After all, as fun as the fake fight might have been, all it really did was distract from the entirely valid points Minaj was originally making about the biases implicit in the VMA nomination process. But, hey, at least we can comfort ourselves that two celebrities who weren't really at odds with each other are still friends, right?

What Happened: Hulk Hogan suddenly becomes a nonentity, at least where the WWE is concerned, much to the Internet's surprise.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: Late Thursday night, Hulk Hogan tweeted the following cryptic message:

While fans wondered what that was all about, some noticed Hogan's page on the World Wrestling Entertainment site had been replaced by a "You are not authorized to access this page" message, and the former wrestler's name was removed from the site's Hall of Fame listing. (Hogan has also reportedly been removed from the WWE Tough Enough television show midway through its sixth season.)

Why the sudden disappearance? Reports quickly appeared suggesting rumors of racist comments caught on tape, with the WWE proactively distancing itself from Hogan before the story broke.

The Internet wasn't quite sure how to respond:

Friday morning, the National Enquirer posted Hogan's comments online, with an official statement from the WWE, which said it was "committed to embracing and celebrating individuals from all backgrounds," quickly following.

The Takeaway: So much for Hogan knowing best.

What Happened: Twitter is sick of your colorful backgrounds.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: You might think that a move as small as Twitter removing the background images for users' profile pages would be a fairly minor, unimportant thing. Doing so would have forgotten that this is the Internet of upset:

The change came without warning, leading to many many news stories after the fact, amplifying users' concern that nothing will ever be the same again.

The Takeaway: Truth is, there's already a fix for Google Chrome users, while other people should click Settings, then Design, and save to see if things go back to normal. It's not an ideal solution, but it should work until Twitter realizes that no one likes this latest change. Of course, realizing that and doing something about it are two very different things...

What Happened: What happens when Mark Cuban, Ann Coulter, and a literal storm of sharks hits the airwaves? The Internet goes wild, apparently.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: Wednesday was Sharknado night, with Syfy premiering the third installment in the increasingly ridiculous B-movie series starring Tara Reid and a bunch of CGI sharks. You might not care, but the Internet certainly did—the TV movie got 45 million Twitter impressions during its screening, according to Nielsen, along with a wealth of coverage online (No, really, so much coverage; that's what happens when you have Ann Coulter, George R. R. Martin, Jerry Springer, and the hosts of NBC's Today show all providing celebrity cameos, I guess.)

But did anyone actually like the movie?

Really, this pretty much puts it best:

__The Takeaway:__You can please all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, and then you can make a dumb movie filled with flying sharks and that's all anyone can ask for. Look, it even inspired poetry.

What Happened: Feeling left out that Donald Trump hasn't shared his overblown opinion about you? The Internet is here to fill that void in your heart.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: Sure, Donald Trump's political aspirations are the gift that keeps on giving, as long as you're not John McCain or Lindsay Graham (or, for that matter, anyone who wants the Republican Party to be taken seriously in the next election cycle). But there's an entire country out there of non-war heroes and non-Mexicans that Trump hasn't personally offended, and only so many hours in the day, so the Internet decided to help out everyone's favorite straw-haired billionaire with not one, but two Donald Trump Insult Generators. Yes, now you can feel like part of the political process from the comfort of your own laptop—twice!

The Takeaway: Reports that Republican Party officials were attempting to bring one or both of the Insult Generators in to officially replace Trump as a less risky alternative to the real thing are, sadly, unconfirmed at this time. But you know that it's probably under consideration.