Seinfeld begins and ends with a bit about a button.
"Seems to me, that button is in the worst possible spot," Seinfeld explains to George, bespectacled and balding. "The second button literally makes or breaks the shirt, look at it: It's too high! It's in no man's land, you look like you live with your mother."
It's fitting that both a practical comment and an insult are at show's inception. This ability to simultaneously critique and mock would be the driving force in *Seinfeld'*s nine-season stint, dominating the airwaves with each passing year. As it stands now, Seinfeld appears more as a sacrosanct monument than a sitcom. To the most ardent followers, critiquing the show is to commit some kind of comedy treason. This is sacred ground, and it mustn't be tampered with.
However, there is merit to be found in pieces that lambast the show for its white privilege and myopic, minority-free depiction of life in New York City. Should a show set on the Upper West Side of Manhattan contain more than 19 black characters in 180 episodes? Yeah, probably. But Seinfeld never aimed to be an all-encompassing snapshot of humanity. From the beginning Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld's nihilistic lovechild knew what it was: a sardonic, world-weary comedy revolving around a quick-witted band of misanthropes, bound together by their fervent contempt for the world around them.
The show propagated unabashed cynicism, only to be often punctuated by a joke. We laughed through (and often at) the pain as narcissism consumed these characters, inevitably rendering anyone who entered their crosshairs a casualty of humor. Now more than a quarter of a century removed, we're still examining the show about nothing. Perhaps because in its own depraved way, it said everything.
Here's how to watch what TV Guide calls "the greatest television program of all time," which you can watch on Hulu Plus starting June 24.
Number of Seasons: 9 (180 episodes)
Time Requirements: The show's total run comes out to around 66 hours. Since each episode is 22 minutes in length, you can easily consume roughly three an hour without bathroom breaks. (Be warned: After a couple of hours of binging, you won't be able to tell the episodes apart.) Watch this one over the course of a couple months, doing a couple episodes per weeknight and a few more on weekends.
Where to Get Your Fix: TBS, Hulu Plus
Best Character to Follow:
The truth is you won't be able to follow one character without following the other three. Seinfeld is a show that depends on the synchronicity of its four protagonists—Jerry (Seinfeld), Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus), George Costanza (Jason Alexander), and Kramer (Michael Richards). As far as the show is concerned, one doesn't quite exist without the other.
However, honing in on the misadventures of George will probably yield the most laughter. He is a tectonic-sized asshole who is often crippled by his own insecurity. And yet he's sporadically confident and consistently self-centered. Most of the time you're not sure whether to laugh or cry as Costanza ambles through life.
Seasons/Episodes You Can Skip:
Unless you're a completist, the first season and a half of Seinfeld is not essential viewing. Like any new show, everyone involved is trying to find their footing. Characters haven't been properly molded (Kramer is especially peculiar in the first six episodes). The tone hasn't been found. That said, you're not going to experience an un-amusing episode of Seinfeld. Even at its worst, it's tolerable. Most importantly, this is a show about characters, not plot. Jumping into any episode during any season is kosher.
Season 3: Episode 3, "The Pen" There are two big reasons this episode is quite possibly the worst Seinfeld has to offer: the absence of George and Kramer. The quality of any ensemble comedy is predicated on, well, the ensemble. When half of the parts are MIA, it's going to be hard to find rhythm. Thankfully, this peculiar episode prompted Alexander to walk up to Larry David and tell him he'd quit if he was ever written out of the storyline again. Sure enough, he never was.
Season 6: Episode 7, "The Soup" Much to Jerry's chagrin, Kenny Bania (Steve Hytner) surfaces throughout the series. The character is an obnoxious, horrific standup who makes jokes about Ovaltine un-ironically. In this episode there's simply too much of Bania. In exchange for an Armani suit, Bania asks that Jerry take him out for a nice dinner. Bania's request becomes more taxing when, at the dinner table, he only orders a bowl of soup, claiming "soup's not dinner!" George's plot is slim, and unfunny. Same goes for Elaine and Kramer's storylines. There's not a whole bunch to laugh at here.
Season 7: Episode 15, "The Shower Head" In a season full of brilliant episodes, writers Marjorie Gross and Peter Mehlman's minor misfire stands out. While everyone in Jerry's apartment complex suffers from a weak showerhead, George convinces his parents to move to Florida. Elaine's subplot, involving poppy seeds, blood tests, and opium, is also haphazardly constructed. Every narrative strand here feels like it should be either five minutes shorter or longer.
Seasons/Episodes You Can't Skip:
From about Season 3 onward, Seinfeld is consistently dynamite. The four main players find their groove, and they operate seamlessly within it. Jerry learns how to act a little bit; Kramer grows more outrageous, and brilliant; George becomes more self-involved; and Elaine, steadily advancing her career in publishing, somehow manages to remain friends with this gaggle of buffoons. There's a minor dip in quality come the eighth season, if only because Larry David left the show after Season 7. Here are some of the highlights.
Season 2: Episode 2, "The Pony Remark" At a 50th anniversary dinner, Jerry and Elaine make a crack about spoiled children who owned ponies. "I hate anyone who had a pony growing up," Seinfeld claims. Much to his surprise, an elderly relative of his responds, "I had a pony! When I was a little girl in Poland, we all had ponies!" Written by Seinfeld and Larry Charles, it's the first episode that takes a bit to the extreme. When his relative passes away the next day, Jerry is tasked with a making a tough decision: does he attend this woman's funeral (a woman he may or may not have killed with his pony remark), or does he play in his championship softball game? It's an episode that beautifully blends the existential and the comical.
Season 3: Episode 5, "The Library" Over the years, Seinfeld always managed to showcase gifted performers in ancillary roles. With "The Library," legendary character actor Philip Baker Hall delivers what may be the show's best monologue as stern library detective Lt. Bookman. Jerry took a book out in 1971, and Bookman believes he never returned it. The money line: "Well I got a flash for you joy boy: party time is over!" This also one of the few episodes that utilizes flashbacks, diving into George and Jerry's high school experience.
Season 3: Episode 12, "The Red Dot" Elaine procures a job for George in her office. In turn, George goes out to buy her a gift. When he sees an immaculate cashmere sweater for a low price, he gets it. The one hitch: There's a microscopic red dot on the sweater. This a fine example of Costanza's cheapness, which comes to be one of his defining characteristics throughout the show. Another great bit here: Once George lands the job in the office, he ends up having sex with the maid on his office desk. It then results in one of show's better lines, from George to his employer: "Was that wrong?"
Season 4: Episode 7, "The Bubble Boy" There are a handful episodes in the series that even the uninitiated will recognize. Along with the "Soup Nazi" and "The Contest," "The Bubble Boy" is an iconic piece of television—a piece of absurdist humor that writers Larry David and Larry Charles somehow managed to pull off. On a road trip up Susan's (Heidi Swedberg) family cabin, Jerry and Elaine devise a plan to make a quick stop at the home of a bubble boy (the kid is a big fan of Seinfeld's). When George speeds ahead of them ("we're making great time!"), Jerry and Elaine get lost and end up at a diner. George, however, arrives at the kid's home, only to entangle himself in a fight with the bubble boy over a misprinted Trivial Pursuit question. Murphy's law seems to be in effect here: Everything that can go wrong, absolutely does. Kramer burns down the cabin, George nearly kills the bubble boy, and Jerry can't take back a signed poster he gifted the diner.
Season 5: Episode 21, "The Opposite" In the first episode of Seinfeld, George proclaims that he would find success if he just did the opposite of his instincts. Jump ahead four seasons and Constanza is playing that fantasy out. Sure enough, life turns around for him. Once the pendulum swings in George's direction, Elaine is thrust into a downward spiral. Jerry, naturally, remains unchanged in the middle. The shift in dynamic between these friends makes you realize just how well-defined their roles are. It's jarring to see George be happy, as it is surprising to see Elaine lose a man to Jujyfruits. This episode also marks the debut of George Steinbrenner (voiced by David) as George's boss at the Yankees.
Season 6: Episode 10, "The Race" This is *Seinfeld'*s ultimate love letter to Superman. After going on a few dates with a woman named Lois (Renee Props), Jerry discovers that her boss is his arch-nemesis from high school. His kryptonite. Still disgruntled about the time Jerry "unfairly" beat him in a footrace, Duncan (Don McManus) stages a rematch for everyone (especially Lois) to watch. Dazzling subplots include Elaine and her influential communist boyfriend; Kramer working as a Santa Claus at shopping mall; and the Yankees suspecting George of having communist ties. The strongest episodes of the show have four quality plot-lines that run concurrently until they collide into one another. "The Race" is the perfect collision.
Season 7: Episode 5, "The Hot Tub" Like so many other episodes, "The Hot Tub" is a classic example of what happens when normal, functional people enter the lives of these four knuckleheads. Jean Paul (Jeremiah Birkett) is a marathon runner who accidentally overslept and missed the Olympics four years ago. Now he's in New York, and is taking extra precaution staying with Elaine. Jerry sees the situation—the mediocrity of Elaine's alarm clock, her inability to take food out of the microwave on time—and intervenes. There are countless genius bits here, from Kramer's scalding hot tub placed in his living room to George describing how he always "appears" busy. Of course, the fate of Jean Paul is tragic. How could it not be?
Season 8: Episode 9, "The Abstinence" George and Elaine abstain from intercourse, and like in "The Opposite" their lives run in two wildly different directions. Without an orgasm, Elaine's intellect rapidly degenerates. She becomes useless and unmotivated. Conversely, George—unencumbered by carnal cravings—is suddenly brilliant. He consumes books, speaks different languages, and focuses his complete attention on his studies. For 22 minutes, Costanza is an intellect to be reckoned with.
Season 9: Episode 2, "The Voice" Every second of every day we are forced to make decisions. Depending on the quality of person you are, some are painless and some are painstaking. So when Jerry must choose between a joke or a woman, it seems obvious that he should choose the human being. But, that's not the nature of Seinfeld. Comedy always comes before reality, even if the former spawns misery. The golden subplot here comes in the form of Kramerica, an illusory company Kramer creates. Somehow, Kramer dupes a university into giving him an intern, who believes he will gain experience "in the real world"—something the K-man knows a whole bunch about. This a fine example of where Seinfeld goes in its final two seasons. The antics are amplified to an incalculable degree, and its flippant disregard for humanity either works for you or it doesn't.
Why You Should Binge:
In an excerpt from I Wear the Black Hat: Grappling with Villains (Real and Imagined), Chuck Klosterman writes: "On Seinfeld, the psychopathy felt normal—almost boring. The people just talked like people. They sat in a coffee shop and casually discussed how civilization was awful and existence is meaningless, and twenty-two million people watched it every week."
Klosterman paints a bleak picture in that description, but it's not inaccurate. Watching Seinfeld now, it's striking how well it has aged—and how its unrepentant meanness still rings comical. As morally reprehensible as George and Jerry are—often hurting others and themselves—we're still invested in their well being. There's no logical explanation why we have empathy for characters who so gleefully embody apathy. But we do.
If you do manage to binge-watch every episode of Seinfeld, we promise you three things: First, you will have witnessed a show that redefined the modern sitcom, paving the way for dozens of pale imitators. Second, you will see myriad great actors in bit parts before they made it big (see: Bryan Cranston, Jeremy Piven, Courtney Cox, Catherine Keener, Lauren Graham, etc). And finally, you will laugh.
Best Scene—The Final Scene from 'The Marine Biologist':
The perfect ending to one of the finest episodes of the show. Jerry's facial expression and quick turn to Kramer after George says, "The sea was angry that day my friends. Like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli," is priceless. More importantly, this scene allows Jason Alexander to do some acting. It's a showcase for his abilities, and he knocks it out of the park.
The Takeaway:
"Hell is other people."—Jean-Paul Sartre
Or: Trust no one, laugh at everything.
If You Liked Seinfeld You'll Love:
If you're looking for the unrated version of Seinfeld, check out Larry David's Curb Your Enthusiasm. Same sensibilities and world-views, just more vulgarity and less Superman.
