While You Were Offline: Exit Joss Whedon, Enter Hamburglar

In a week where the British elections proved that political polls didn't mean anything (no, really, who saw that Conservative Party victory coming?) and both Eva Longoria and Bill Simmons become trending topics on Twitter, the Internet has been hard at work telling you what to think, feel, and worry about. In case you've not been around for most of that, here's a quick roundup of the weirdest, loudest, and most hamburger-centric stories on the ol' WWW this week.

What Happened: Key and Peele released a preview of the new season of their show, in a sketch that's brutal, hilarious, and surprisingly catchy.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: Earlier this week, Key & Peele shared a preview from the next (and final) season of the acclaimed Comedy Central show. It was amazing

So amazing, in fact, that it very quickly raced around the Internet, being lauded by almost everyone.

We say "almost everyone," although there's been no negative response to the video. That almost goes without saying, however; it's not like anyone could openly say "I hate this" without coming across as a humorless bigot.

The Takeaway: If this is what we can expect from the next Key & Peele season, we can't wait. Between this and the current run of Inside Amy Schumer, Comedy Central is impressively great right now.

What Happened: Joss Whedon closed his Twitter account, which is apparently one of the signs of an oncoming apocalypse, judging by the response.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: On Monday, Joss Whedon closed his Twitter account. Aside from the obvious joke—"Dammit, Joss Whedon just killed 140 characters"—the most immediate reaction to this news appeared to be that the Internet collectively lost its mind wanting to know just why he'd gone. One prominent Twitter user had an explanation that he wanted to share: Patton Oswalt, who posted a (now deleted) tweet that read, "Yep. There is a 'Tea Party' equivalent of progressivism/liberalism. And they just chased Joss Whedon off Twitter. Good job, guys. Ugh."

It was an idea that quickly spread around the Internet, with reports either asking what had happened, questioning whether it was all those lousy feminists' fault or, hilariously, blaming a "rabid feminist Avengers backlash" for the deletion. (Some asked that the rabid feminists be spared the blame, of course).

Guardians of the Galaxy director James Gunn wrote a post asking the Internet to be kinder in response, while Twitter had a wide variety of reactions to the idea that Whedon had somehow been chased away by feminists, rabid or otherwise:

(For those wondering why there would be a feminist backlash against Whedon in the first place, this article might offer some suggestions, as well as this wonderful io9 post.)

BuzzFeed had the bright idea of asking Whedon himself what happened, and he officially called "horseshit" on the popular theory. "I saw a lot of people say, 'Well, the social justice warriors destroyed one of their own!' It's like, Nope. That didn't happen," he said. Instead, he explained, he needed the mental quiet to create new material. This didn't exactly end the conversation—plenty of people are still discussing the flaws or otherwise with *Avengers: Age of Ultron'*s treatment of Black Widow, while others called him "feminism's battered wife" for the denial—but it did allow for other Internet obsessions to surface surrounding the writer/director. For example, did you know that he got into fights with Marvel over Age of Ultron and might be making a future Star Wars movie? (Don't count your chickens about that one, though.)

The Takeaway: Just like nature, Twitter apparently abhors a vacuum, especially one in the shape of a fan-favorite moviemaker. Maybe we should chalk this one up to Avengers-mania and everyone wanting to project their own interests and agendas onto a blank slate (or even over Whedon's own later commentary).

What Happened: Whether rabid or just plain regular-flavored, how do you spot a feminist, anyway? Lacking any distinguishing marks, Twitter took to answering that all-important question.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: It started as... well, let's be honest, pretty much trolling courtesy of Doc Thompson, a talk radio host from Glenn Beck's The Blaze:

The initial responses have been exactly as you might fear:

But then other people joined in:

And then things got... weird:

And, finally, awesome:

(Of course, people noticed what was happening.)

The Takeaway: We'd suggest someone start a #HowDoYouSpotAMisogynist hashtag, but there may not be much need anymore. On the plus side, appropriation of stupid hashtags never fails to amuse.

What Happened: As could only have been expected, conflict broke out between Zayn Malik and One Direction on Twitter. Won't anyone think of the fandom?

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: Really, we probably could have seen this coming. Now free of the pop prison that was One Direction, Zayn Malik has been working with producer Naughty Boy on new solo music. So, when rumors started appearing that One Direction were thinking of replacing Malik with a new member, it was clearly time for some passive aggressive tweeting.

To which 1D member Louis Tomlinson responded:

Which led to:

Relatively benign, right? Not according to the Internet, which labeled it a spat, a feud, or more appropriately some boy band drama. Either way, it garnered a lot of headlines and made fans long for happier times.

Still, if anything good came from it, it's the revelation that One Direction is planning "a diss song" aimed at Malik for their next album. Because that's what boy band pop really needs, let's be honest.

The Takeaway: It's appropriate that a band so purposefully aimed at the teen market could produce such finely-tuned adolescent drama as they crumble. Would that One Direction's music was so enjoyable.

What Happened: Hey, you know how everyone loves Cards Against Humanity? Turns out, they really don't.

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: When board games site Shut Up & Sit Down posted a scathing review of Cards Against Humanity this week, it apparently unleashed a wave of online ill-feeling against the popular game. In addition to BoingBoing's support of the piece, Twitter had a lot to say on the subject:

The Takeaway: As with all things, the tide has turned for this ____________ card game. No one was ever this mean about Apples to Apples.

What Happened: Remember the Hamburglar? The cute rogue that bedeviled Ronald McDonald when we were kids? He's back, and... better than ever? Maybe?

Where It Blew Up: Twitter, blogs, media think pieces

What Really Happened: Following last year's makeover for Ronald McDonald, the massive fast food chain unveiled a new-look version of his infamous nemesis this week.

As should only be expected, people had opinions:

More surprisingly, people have been wondering whether or not the new Hamburglar is hot. Or, perhaps, whether it's a problem that he is hot.

Perhaps the best response, however, came from Time, which considered whether or not it made economic sense to steal hamburgers at all. "Burgers keep their already low value for one, two hours tops. By then, they're cold and inedible. (And don't even try to pull that microwave nonsense, because nobody wants a reheated Big Mac)," it explained. "Volume is a questionable motivation here too, because the Hamburglar's method of stashing his burglared burgers in a big sack puts them at high risk of losing their structural integrity."

The Takeaway: Let's hope and pray that this is just the start of a new era of "realistic" mascot revivals. Who wouldn't want to see Tony the Tiger tear small children apart as they try to eat their cereal? That'd be grrrrrreat.