The movie gods gaveth in a big way this week. Jupiter Ascending came roaring back onto the track after veering off course for a bit, and lead the charge for a few smaller budget sci-fi companions. Elsewhere, a bunch of stuff blew up in trailers for Kingsmen: The Secret Service and Blackhat, and we got our sad on with some moody film festival fodder. So overall, there's something for the nerds, something for the family, and something for the film majors. Popcorn up and let's ride!
Good news, everyone! Jupiter Ascending is still alive! And, yeah, the Wachowskis haven't made a movie worth remembering since the first Matrix in 1999, but this one looks different. They've changed! At least that's what we're telling all our friends while we circle February 6 on our 2015 calendars with a big red pen. Jupiter was supposed to hit theaters this past August, but got pushed pretty close to the last minute. This is typically a bad sign, but after we watched this trailer and our brains exploded we're going to stay optimistic and say good things come to those who wait. In case you need a refresher, this new international spot does the best job so far of explaining what the hell is going on in the movie, and who the players are. Everyone and everything looks amazing. Eddie Redmayne seems an inspired choice to play the villain. Channing Tatum is a hot and awesome sort-of albino warrior. Mila Kunis is Earth's potential savior, because she is one of God's most magnificent creations IRL, and Sean Bean is here. If you want more than that you're just an impossible person.
Pause at: 0:07 for the first of so much cool space stuff! Beautiful world building at 0:26. Cool alien hologram things at 0:48! Yes at 0:53. Queen Mila at 1:14. More yes at 1:59.
Essential Quote: "Right now Balem owns the title to Earth. Once you claim it, the Earth will belong to you."—Kalique Abrasax (Tuppence Middelton), making Jupiter's path sound way easier than it is
If you've been craving for more entries in the "satirical relationship disaster movie" genre, Swedish director Ruben Östland has answered your pleas. Majeure took home the Jury Prize at Cannes, and tells the story of a lovely family on ski holiday in the French Alps. But when an avalanche threatens their vacation lodge and the family's patriarch, Tomas, runs screaming from danger without his wife and kids, things get pretty awkward after the disaster proves non-fatal and he's just the asshole with a hyper-active flight response. The movie's tone looks to vacillate between comedy and drama with the kind of satisfying dissonance of a Funny Games—without all the home invasion and murder. For every laugh you'll probably wince twice at the domestic tension, or maybe it's the other way around. But either way, this one looks like a lot of uncomfortable fun.
Pause at: 0:16 for the happy family. Here comes that avalanche at 0:37! Drone at 1:20 ... ? 1:33—So this is what men do in saunas?
Essential Quote: "He got so scared that he run away from the table."—Ebba talking about her husband, Tomas
Remember when hackers used to look like Jonny Lee Miller and Matthew Lillard? Well now they look like Hemsworths, and we're totally not mad about it. In addition to the fairer Hemsworth (Chris), Blackhat is directed by Michael Mann and costars Viola Davis. This should be rich ground for Hollywood to once again improperly visualize the internet.
Pause at: 0:30. Nevermind what we said about Hollywood properly visualizing the internet. Is that the Matrix at 1:26? Some seriously violent hacking going on at 1:52.
Song: Antony and the Johnsons covering "Knocking on Heaven's Door"
Essential Quote: "He's a convicted hacker serving 15 years. MIT. Genius coder." (Aren't they always?)
Well. Wasn't that fun? The more we see of Kingsman the more it looks like this will transcend "Let's take the kids to a movie" status. Colin Firth, playing agent Harry Hart, seems to be employing max levels of Colin Firthness as a member of an ultra-secret British spy agency that recruits young ruffians to its noble ranks. Our primary hoodlum comes in the form of Taron Egerton, playing juvenile delinquent Gary "Eggsy" Unwin. Eggsy's dad saved Hart's life at some point in the past, and now Hart is here to give Eggsy an out from his life of petty crime. Samuel L. Jackson, Mark Strong, and Michael Caine all co-star and, best news, it's from director Matthew Vaughn. Vaughn broke out with X-Men: First Class in 2011, but he's been doing great work since Layer Cake in 2004 and showed us he can do irreverent action with the first Kick-Ass. Raise your hand if you can spot the franchising potential.
Pause at: Check out the Bond-esque goody closet at 1:28. Samuel L. Jackson signature grimace at 1:39. Fist pump action at 2:12. Stop at 2:17 for ass-kicking Colin Firth.
Essential Quote: "Are we going to stand around here all day, or are we going to fight?"—Colin Firth, saying words we don't hear Colin Firth saying nearly enough
If any movie ever made a legitimate argument for turning the words "Terrence Malick" into an adjective, it's this one. And considering it's the directorial debut of Malick's protégé A.J. Edwards (and is also produced by Malick) we are not surprised. Edwards has clearly been studying at the feet of his master, since this movie could alternately be titled Tree of Life 2: The Beginning of Honest Abe. It's about the invention of American mythology and the effect women have on men, basically. More specifically, it's the origin story of Abraham Lincoln as he grew up in the wilds of Indiana during the early 1800s. It's in black and white, and looks like a film for serious people. So, serious people, rejoice!
Pause at: 0:25 for a glimpse of wee Abe. Seeing Brit Marling at 0:33 gives us all the reasons we need to be excited for this movie.
Essential Quote: "He won't stay in these woods forever. He'll make his mark."
This one is all eerie mood. It came onto the scene at Fantastic Fest and even though this trailer doesn't give us much to go on, we're already shrinking back into our chairs. Our heroine Amy (Amy Everson) is an artist suffering from PTSD after some sort of past trauma. We don't know what Amy's been through, but given the stark emptiness and sad piano music we're given here, safe to say it was something really bad. As Amy isolates herself from friends, she pours herself into her disarming art, and meets a young man who could provide some respite from her pain. Or something terrible will happen. Either way, we want to find out.
Pause At: 0:28 to feel unsettled, and 0:34 to feel it again.
This movie stars Lambert Wilson (better known as The Merovingian) as The Man, and other than that, we really can't say much for sure. But it looks striking and tense and ambitious and maybe totally confusing, but we're kind of into it.
Pause At: 0:15 for something beautiful. Tron-esque moment at 0:38. Robot ninja alien child at 0:50 and 0:53?
Essential Quote: "Papa. There's something I still can't fully understand."—The Boy, describing how we feel about this trailer
So this movie doesn't exactly look great but when you're an overtly kitschy throwback to space dwelling in the 1970s, you kind of don't have to be. It's more about the experience. So experience the quaint weirdness of a mustached Patrick Wilson commanding a space station with Liv Tyler, who's looking very intergalactic flight attendant chic, a talking boxy robot, Matt Bomer, Jerry O'Connell and a female HAL who speaks in platitudes and offers station residents downers. Supa fly!
Pause at: 0:23 space is adorable! Stop at 0:39 for Liv Tyler rocking that 70s look. Mini robot at 0:45! Jerry O'Connell is almost too good at playing that guy at 1:41.
Essential Quote: "Perhaps you would like to try valium." (Ohhhh, the '70s.)
A couple of "hyper nerds" who've been friends since junior high trying to build an elevator to the Moon so we don't have to. And yes, they met in chess club. Please form an orderly line for the space lift, everyone. No pushing.
Pause at: 0:14. This cat is judging them so hard. So, this is what a space elevator looks like at 0:54? The Lego man at 1:36 is the best human model possible.
Essential Quote: "You got a ball of string. You're spinning it over your head. The string in the middle stays straight, yeah? Alright, so now just expand that to an Earth-sized system."—Michael Laine, making a space elevator sound super simple
