It's time to party like it's not quite 1999---an era when so many of us were still digital virgins. Getting on the internet involved popping in an AOL or a Prodigy CD-ROM, installing a bulky piece of software, and then waiting for a magical modem to connect us to the web.
The net was all so novel and, seemingly, so complicated. Suddenly, life was riddled with odd-sounding jargon, like world wide web, browser, URL, chat line, cyberspace, and search engine. We needed someone to break it all down. And thanks to the good people at DEC---an entertainment company not to be confused with Digital Equipment Corporation---we get just that.
In those days, DEC offered up an internet tutorial on VHS video---remember that?---starring a family called the Jamisons (see above). It was a web primer for kids, conducted by kids, and it came complete with an oh-so-'90s theme song. The chorus is nothing short of brilliant. "Take a spin," it says. "Now you're in with the techno set. You're going surfing on the internet."
Ok, the rhyming scheme needs a little work, but the tune was catchy, and that was the point. It repeats so often, by the end of the 28-minute spot, it'll be stuck in your head. Let that be your warning.
>Take a spin. Now you're in with the techno set. You're going surfing on the internet.
The video makes sure that kids---and their credit-card-wielding parents---understand that the net isn't a wasteland teeming with cyber criminals. It's a place for kids to learn, make friends, play games, and even, well, dissect digital frogs. Gone were the old days when you had to cut open an actual slimy, formaldehyde-soaked amphibian. Dads could check on stock prices and sports, and moms could, er, pay the bills and discover new recipes. "It sounds complicated, but really, it all happens behind the scenes, so it's easy for you," says the Jamison daughter Dasha, a Stephanie-Tanner doppelgänger.
It's also chock-full of late 90s cliches, bad jokes, horrible outfits, and unabashed sexism, but once you get past all that, it does give a pretty good view of what the primitive internet was like. It was a place filled with lists of blue and purple (new and old) hyperlinks and low resolution pictures. The Yahooligans web guide for kids was still a thing. AltaVista was among the popular search engines. Netscape and Microsoft Explorer were still sort of duking it out. And surfing the net was synonymous with AOL---not to mention those blipping modem sounds, a Pavlovian cue that virtual goodies were just seconds---ok, minutes---away.
A lot has changed since then. But our modern internet obsession---where we can't pry ourselves from our connected devices---was already taking shape. "Now that I've gotten on the internet," says Peter Jamison, "I'd rather be on my computer than doing just about anything."
