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Every year I write a New Years resolutions post, full of wonderfully creative resolutions that I know damn well I'm not going to follow through on. That's just life. I went from well thought out geeky resolutions to realistically mundane resolutions to this. I've finally accepted reality, and that reality is that self resolutions and our concept of time and what to do with it is flawed.
So since everyone insists on treating the turning of the calendar from December to January like it's not just another day, I planned on writing another of those resolutions posts. Then @beingmarci sardonically suggested making resolutions for other people. So then I wondered, should the resolutions be for famous people? Geek celebrities? Random regular folks? All I know, is that these resolutions are not just for me, they are for everyone else. Also, some of them may seem a bit petty and so on, but I know you're out there, nodding your head in agreement.
In no particular order:
10. Stop speaking in text.
Maybe it's because I'm a writer, but when I compose a text message, I rarely use abbreviations for words like "u" instead of "you" or use emoticons or phrases like "LOL." Because really, I'm not laughing out loud. I might be smiling a tad, but I'm not guffawing. So it really boils my journalistic blood when people verbally speak in text. Generally it's kids, which doesn't bode well for the progression of language or their ability to properly learn it. I actually had an adult say to me "emoticon smiley face!" The only thing stopping me from publicly slapping her was that she was still making my latte.
9. Resolve to take a shower or bath at least once a day, you filthy animals.
We all know "that guy." Usually he's embedded in the Information Services department, sometimes he's just that one friend that we have that seems to not know what a modern shower head is. Then there is always that awkward conversation about it, and you find out that it's medical or something of the sort - then you are the jerk. Look, sometimes that's the case, but most of the time it's just some kid who spent the last 14 hours on a WoW bender. If you've been to the Penny Arcade Expo on day three, you know the people I'm talking about. Hotel rooms have showers too. (Suggested by @zedrikcayne, who has a frequent shopper card at Bath & Body Works.)
8. Manners: use them, including "please" and "thank you."
With social media, we have become a nation of rude people. Sure, not all of us and not just because of social media, but the ability to quickly get our thoughts out without considering other people has become easier than ever. Of course I'm guilty of this, but I end every email with "thanks" and try to teach my kids the values of being polite and how far that goes with folks. The worst is when people insist on being short and rude to service workers, such as the kid making your coffee or serving your food. There is no reason for that. You didn't get enough syrup in your latte? No reason to be a punk. Sadly, this just scoots us towards a totalitarian society where we'll have to learn to say "thank you" if we want our weekly loaf of bread. (Suggested by @hdgirl11, who always says "thanks" when she steals your seat on the bus.)
7. We should stop saying "influential" when we mean "popular."
As this pointed article from Douglas Karr explains, we have a problem in this country with treating people greater than they are. This is especially true with so-called celebrities and very true with many social media and internet personalities. All it does is minimize our own contributions to society, and puts folks on pedestals for what? Being popular? I always say life after high school is just like high school but after seeing two consecutive articles on NBC News about some MTV reality star breaking up then getting back together with her husband, I think we're quickly going the way of Idiocracy. Will "Ow, My Balls!" become the most influential show of the next generation? (Suggested by @davepeck who is super popular among all his imaginary friends.)
6. Realize free services are free because they aren't making any money.
I've thought Facebook was shady from the beginning, the Instagram terms of service changes were misunderstood by many and the Twitter unfollow bug will probably never be fixed. There are many expressions of anger, annoyance and general whining surrounding these social media platforms, but there is something we are forgetting. They are all free to use. That's right. Completely free. Yet, we complain as if we are paying a solid monthly premium for these services. Well, would you? If you were willing to pay for these services, perhaps your concerns would be valid. But you aren't, and you won't, because you know some other service would come along to fill the void, then the same thing would happen again. If I have to suffer some sponsored ads at the top of my Hootsuite column to use the greatest communication tool ever invented, totally worth it.
5. Accept the sad truth that soon zombies will have jumped the shark.
I realize that a lot of you are fans of The Walking Dead and I accept that it's a good program. I don't happen to like it; it's got the brutality of the comic, but for me zombies have become a boring antagonist. The show and the comic know this, which is why humans are their own greatest enemy. Really, though, the zombie craze is coming to an end. There is a movie coming out called Warm Bodies which is a zombie romantic comedy. A zombie falls in love with a human and begins to change back. Great idea, and there have been some good films along the way in the zombie genre (like 28 Days Later) but let's be honest. The next step in the zombie film evolution will be sparkly, emo zombies. It happened with vampires, it'll happen with them. Do we really want that?
4. Look in the mirror, you are not a ninja.
By classical definition, a ninja is an assassin without a true master. A contract killer with no loyalty and a penchant for sneakiness. Yet this is the word that many in the social media age have chosen to bestow upon themselves. Just look in their bios. They call themselves ninja, misunderstanding that this does not bode well for confidence. Rather, they should be calling themselves Ronin (between jobs, and working for hire) or Samurai, to imply a sense of loyalty, rather than a ninja, which implies no accountability because they are one and done. To these "ninja" everything is "epic" or peppered with loads of false enthusiasm. It's just not real and I can't believe it's real 'cause it sounds silly. Where I'm like, "that sandwich was delicious," they are "that sandwich was epic yummy!" I'm talkin' about grown adults here. Sure, being a ninja sounds cool, but not having loyalty or accountability doesn't. (Suggested by @drkyle who says, "The ninja is one who infiltrates a social network, makes one dazzling comment, and is never heard from again (did they exist?)")
3. Resolve to be more resolute.
With politics, the concept of "flip-flopping" has been hammered into the public consciousness. In life, we face decisions every day that require some thought and research. With social media, we tend not to do that research. Being more resolute, we can find a better sense of determination to think before we spread lies and nonsense. I'm looking at you, mainstream media. For those of us absorbing information from online sources, do your due diligence before perpetuating false truths. I know, this is a stretch from the definition of resolute, but it's close enough. (Suggested by @ckeithray who isn't sure what he isn't sure about.)
2. Start talking to your kids' toys like they do. Their toys are people too.
If you have kids, then you've seen the creativity and imagination they exhibit when playing with toys. Chances are, you were a kid once too and were the same way. There is no reason that it has to end with adulthood. Pick up a toy, let all the stresses of work slip away and enter the world of a child. Of course, you may end up dressing dolls instead of fighting imaginary wars, but it's all good. Plus, your kids will really enjoy the time together. (Suggested by @zedrikcayne who has hour long conversations with his kids' Lego blocks.)
1. Remember that every moment is a New Year. You just have to make it happen.
As my friend @charliecurve says every day, make it happen. Every day is a new day, every moment is a chance to step up and do something great. And why the hell not? Why do we place such misguided importance on a singular point in time for a catalyst for change? Any day, any moment, we can achieve or at least strive for something greater, even if it's a greater sense of contentment. If someone as cynical as myself wakes up every morning and tells himself "today is the day" (meaning what, I do not know) then there is no reason for you to not embrace every single day as a new challenge, rather than slogging towards a particular calendar marker as an end/beginning point. So as far as I'm concerned, it's happy new year 525,600 times a year. Unless you have a watch that counts tenths of a second.
Image credit: Charliecurve.com
