We've got good news and bad news: The good news is there's a new trailer for The Avengers (yay!). The bad news is it's in German (oh, nicht!).
Since no one here at the Underwire speaks much German -- despite the fact that the author of this post is about as Deutsch as Oktoberfest -- we've decided to speculate about what's actually happening in this trailer. It's like Mad Libs for superheroes. Sort of. Alas, here goes.
Open on a bright cityscape. An announcer declares, "The time has come. This is the film that will make you remember why you loved Joss Whedon in the first place -- the film that will cause us all to gnash our teeth, rend our garments, beat our breasts and set fire to the streets."
Cut to Nick Fury (played by Samuel L. Jackson) near a helicopter talking into a walkie-talkie, "Shit yeah, S.H.I.E.L.D. That's all you had to say!"
Back to the announcer: "They have a plan to bring together the most charismatic group of people to ever portray the masters of the Marvel universe. And Clark Gregg!"
Smash-cut to Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson). "Hey guys," she says. "Who wants to be in my first film after We Bought a Zoo?" Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo) says something insignificant, snickers and joins her regardless.
Back to the announcer: "This epic, mind-blowing film also has superkiller Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner), the Hulk, Thor (Chris Hemsworth), Captain America ... and Tony Stark's goatee (Robert Downey Jr.)."
Cut to Fury telling the assembled Avengers, "Gentlemen, we gonna be like a bunch of little Fonzies here." This order is not heeded. Captain America immediately starts needling Stark about the Movember experiment on his face. "Take that away, what are you?" the Captain wants to know. "Genius billionaire playboy philanthropist," Stark replies. (Ok, that last part was in a previous trailer.) Thor laughs.
Wrap it up with some more (mostly previously seen) epic explosions and fight shots, a bit of Iron Man doing his fly-around-like-a-rocket thing and wrap with Stark promising to avenge Earth if they can't save it.
Cue the Nine Inch Nails and a love-tap from Stark to Thor. Fin.
Now we really wish we would've paid attention in German class. But seriously, if this movie was coming out tomorrow in German, without subtitles, we'd cram all night and go see it anyway.
The Avengers his theaters (presumably in English) on May 4, 2012.
[via io9]
