There's a classic line from The Sopranos when Tony grows annoyed with his gangster pals for reminiscing about their bygone glory days. "'Remember When' is the lowest form of conversation," the Jersey mob boss informs his crew. You know who needs to take that advice? al-Qaida.
The latest issue of al-Qaida in the Arabian Peninsula's online English-language lifestyle magazine, Inspire, doesn't bother trying to, um, inspire any homegrown extremists to blow up bits of America. Its signature feature, the "AQ Chef" -- who cooks up recipes for murder for you to emulate -- is out of the kitchen. Which is odd, since that's the entire rationale for the magazine.
Instead, Inspire #7, the thinnest issue yet, is devoted to reminiscing about the halcyon days of 9/11. "Shaykh Usama might be dead but his deeds are not," recalls writer Yahya Ibrahim, who at least acknowledges that bin Laden is dead. "9/11 has left a permanent scar on the American psyche and will live long after in the hearts of every American." Blah, blah.
American-born extremist Samir Khan pens the issue's anchor essay, about how bad the U.S. is at messaging and propaganda. Which in this case is rather ironic: not only is Inspire #7 a good three weeks late for a 9/11 anniversary issue, but it's mostly padded with a photo gallery of familiar images. In other words, a celebration of "The Greatest Special Operation of All Time" is canned and padded. (And actually, jerks: this was a much better special op.)
If there's anything surprising in the issue, it's the magazine's front-of-the-book attack on the 9/11 Truthers -- principally, Iran's Mahmoud Ahmedinejad. al-Qaida is pissed that Ahmadinejad would deny the terrorist group its due credit for the attack, all out of sour graps. "Al-Qaida, an organization under fire, with no state, succeeded in what Iran couldn't," writes Abu Suhail. "Therefore it was necessary for the Iranians to discredit 9/11 and what better way to do so? Conspiracy theories." Paging Rick Veitch.
That kind of counterintuitive inter-extremist feuding might make for a good #slatepitch, but it's far afield from al-Qaida's mission with Inspire. Once, Inspire was encouraging American Muslims to trick out Ford F-150s with blades in the grill and run people over, or to shoot up crowded D.C. lunch spots.
But starting in the January issue, the "AQ Chef" started phoning it in, publishing unlikely schemes to collapse a building with explosives. And the previous issue even bragged about failed attacks like the printer-cartridge bomb plot. No wonder a recent Rand Corporation report described homegrown extremists as the Bad News Bears of terrorism.
There's an unresolved plot at the end of The Sopranos where it seems like Tony's crew is getting into bed with possible terrorists. But if any real-life gangsters actually bothered to read Inspire, they wouldn't stop laughing at the weaksauce wannabes. And then they'd probably steal their cash.
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