SPOILER ALERT!
Previous Episode: “A Good Man Goes to War”
You knew that was going to have to be somebody’s line before this episode went to the intro credits, and it happens to be a “new” character by the name of Mels. Why the quotes around new? Let’s jump to the point of this episode, which has virtually nothing to do with Hitler. Although not previously mentioned, Rory and Amy had a third musketeer in their life, a bad girl named Mels:
Yes, Melody Pond is Mels, their friend since childhood. So, in effect they raised their daughter. Of course, they wouldn’t win any parent of the year awards, as Mels is continuously in trouble and they are constantly pulling her out of jail. We also get some nice and humorous flashbacks giving us insight into the evolution of Rory and Amy’s relationship as they grow up. The best bit is that Amy thinks Rory is gay, because he never shows an interest in any woman (well, except of course for her).
And now the story picks back up, with, tiny people in a root trying to kill Hitler, or at least send him to hell. Although it’s the title of the episode, this is really just a side-line to the main story which is how Melody Pond becomes River Song. In a skirmish with Hitler, Melody is shot, and regenerates. She is part Timelord after all.
Although she has no idea what her future name is, she is now River. Unfortunately, she’s also hell bent on killing the Doctor, and it’s clear that Alex Kingston, playing an evil adolecent River Song, is having a field day.
After several attempts with guns, River finally gets the Doctor with a poison kiss — a bit of foreshadowing, maybe? The poison is from the Judas tree, which apparently disrupts regeneration, so no escape that way.
Then there’s a motorcycle chase. Sort of. You see, they wanted to film it, but it would have cost too much, but they did show this nifty “motion comic” version during the commercial break to give you an idea what it might have been like.
The rest of the episode is the Doctor trying to figure out a way to save himself, while — under the effects of the poison that’s shutting his body down — doing a slapstick routine that would rival the best of Buster Keaton. We also find out that he’s not his own biggest fan. At one point he’s trying to find an avatar for his voice interface for the TARDIS systems. He turns down his own form as well as his most recent companions because of too much guilt. I’m not sure why the system doesn’t just take on the appearance of his “wife.”
What is most important in all of this is that we finally get some hard details about the Silence from the tiny people in the Robot that was trying to kill Hitler. Having recognized River/Melody, they know her as the most wanted war criminal in the Universe. She’s the woman who killed the Doctor, so they give up on Hitler to pursue her. However, they confirm that the Doctor is not about to die, but that he dies in 2011 in a place called Silencio, Utah. Coincidence? I think not.
Having caught River, the Doctor asks the little people in the Amybot a few questions:
Can anybody else say “What do you get when you multiply six by nine?” My only question: can anyone explain the reference to “Hello Benjamin”?
Then River, who seems rather too easily won over by the Doctor’s goodness, sacrifices her remaining regenerations. And this is the weakest part of the story. Melody has been raised to kill the Doctor. She has been meticulously programmed and built just for that moment. And yet she seems to quickly come around and sacrifices her own future for his. This all happens in the space of less than 10 minutes. I was hoping we would get evil Mels for the rest of the season, at the very least. However, it’s not completely clear whether she is over this killing-the-Doctor thing or not.
