Get ready, Afghanistan. Special Operations Command, home to some of the military's most elite ninja warriors, is preparing to deploy a whole new group of trained killers for the battlefield: Cattle slayers.
Special Operations Command (SOCOM) announced last week that they're in the market for some training in animal slaughter techniques and local cooking styles. No, this isn't another attempt to fight corruption and opium with agricultural alternatives. It's about making dinner. SOCOM wants a three day course covering "Afghanistan Cooking Techniques" that'll teach students how to take cows, goats and other delicious animals from farm to table in a culturally appropriate way.
Why? Well, SOCOM doesn't say specifically, but their advertisement indicates that it's designed to help special operators socialize with local leaders over a meal. Contractors are required to show students how to make a meal that's "cooked in the style and presentation that would be expected by local village elders."
Special operators may be able to kill you with just their little finger. But sending cows and goats to that great pasture in the sky can be a little more complicated than the operators' preferred method of a double tap to the head.
BTW: a word of warning to "Creeping Sharia" paranoiacs convinced that America is thisclose to a takeover by Islamic fundamentalists. Make sure the fainting couch is nearby because -- horror of horrors -- the U.S. military is also asking for training in Islamic law. When you're in someone else's country (and most especially when you're occupying it) respecting cultural dietary traditions is about the least you can do when having local guests over for dinner. So bidding contractors need to teach SOCOM personnel the Islamic halal slaughter method so that they can prepare animals in a way that's religiously acceptable.
Contractors also need to prep students in how to prepare their meat once it's slaughtered and butchered. Recipes on the syllabus need to use cooking techniques that are current within the last five years and use "indigenous spices." Meat dishes alone won't get you through the final stages of Top Chef: SOCOM edition. Be prepared to learn baking skills, too. Students will have to be schooled in how to make bread from raw wheat kernels.
Photo: foxypar4/Flickr
See Also:
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- Biolab Breakdown Caused Cattle Outbreak (Updated)
- Move Over, Robots: Army Prefers Flesh-and-Blood Mules
