Mother's Day has come and gone and Father's Day is fast approaching. These are days when one would normally take some special time to recognize all that mothers and fathers do. In my house, this is not normal. Both of these days tend to come and go without a mention.
Being a single parent, without support, who has to pull double-duty, while dealing with a potentially fatal illness, I tend to forget myself in the shuffle that is my life. Days are blurred, one into the next. I become so immersed in every thing that is required to just manage making it through to the next day, the one thing that is critical to any parent's survival, becomes forgotten. This critical thing would be self-care.
There is only so long I can manage before my body falls apart. Because of my lupus, when it does fall apart, it is explosive. I go from getting through each moment and moving onto the next to not even remembering what it is I'm suppose to be doing in that moment, mid-action. This isn't your normal forgetting. At some point, we all forget what we are doing while we are doing it. However, when this forgetfulness is a result of lupus brain fog, it is a biological process that you can feel. The best way I can explain is: Imagine you are up to your neck in mud and you try to run while in it; that is how it feels to try to think. This fog was made worse when I suffered my stroke five years ago.
When my fog becomes severe, I have to just stop and take a lot of time to rest, both mentally and physically. Sometimes my energy stores—which are always depleted—become elevated after one day of rest. Other times, this can take weeks, if not months. However, it should never get to the point where it takes more than a couple days of rest, unless I'm having a severe flare. The reason why this fog gets so severe is because, while I'm wonderful at taking care of every one around me, I suck at taking time for myself.
I think it is safe to say that regardless if you are a single parent, a two parent family, grandparents parent family, live with a chronic illness or not, mom or dad, many of us forget to take time for ourselves. Or when we do take time for ourselves, we do not take it often enough, only to become overwhelmed, stressed, rundown, ill, etc.
So in honor of parents in any form, and without taking away from Father's Day, I thought it would be a good idea to share some self-care tips. These self-care tips are quick and easy, plus require no planning or scheduling, allowing you to do them at any time during the day. And maybe in the process of sharing, it will help to re-enforce in our psyches how important doing these things are, thus reducing our need to take longer breaks, at later dates, in an effort to replenish our stores.
- Remember to exhale. I often find myself thinking, “I must remember to breathe.” Well, breathing is the easy part, as it is automatic. It is the remembering to exhale before you find that your shoulders are nifty earrings that can be the difficult part.
- __Deep cleansing breaths. __Try and find at least four opportunities throughout the day to close your eyes, breathe in deeply through your nose and exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat this 10 times.
- Give yourself at least one 10 minute time-out per day. My children have grown up hearing me say, “I'm going to go have a time-out now.” When they were younger, they would become puzzled and say, “But mom, you didn't do anything wrong.” I would smile and respond, “Not yet, I haven't. But if I don't have a time-out soon, I'm about to lose my temper.” Then I'd go into my room, shut the door, lay on my bed, close my eyes and just breathe. This not only helps me, but it taught my children to do the same thing when something was upsetting them, giving them some time to sort their thoughts and feelings, which would enable them to discuss them after the time-out was over. If you are a single parent with small children, then put them in a safe area, such as their crib, playpen, bedroom or infant car seat. Depending on their age, they may fuss for a few minutes but at least they are safe. It may be difficult to ignore the world with a crying child who wants mommy—or in some cases, daddy, if you are the sole caregiver—in the next room but in short order, it will become an established routine and not be stressful for either parent or child(ren).
- Get fresh air and sunshine. Even if it is only standing outside of your front door for two minutes, fresh air and sunshine are extremely important for both your physical and mental health.
What short, daily, self-care tips do you have?
