Lesson of the week: Trust no one. Not the general-turned-king-of-spies; not the robotic crop duster spraying you with trackable goo; and definitely not the bikini-clad lady on Twiiter who claims she's CIA.
Don't let your guard down when you head to Gitmo. The place is full of people play acting. Some of the doctors there will say you just fell down the stairs to cover up something unspeakably worse. Some of the detainees will tell you they plant explosives in Sega cartridges, smuggle dirty bombs, or work as secret moles for the Men Up North. Believe 'em if you want. But they were probably blackmailed into the talk with a sex tape.
Afghanistan? No more comfort there, either. The local militias have questionable loyalties. The Taliban dig tunnels 1,000 feet long – and no one seems to notice. The commandos are invisible, with weaponized iPhones. The only war crazier might be in Libya. Hell, the Pentagon will probably start asking troops to draw comic books just to get over that place.
So hole up in your home. Switch on the glowing tube. And, on Sunday, when the man with the headband promises he'll be there for you in the end, well... you'll know how to react.
