- One Professor's Attempt to Explain Every Joke Ever
- Q&A with Andy Samberg, Viral Video King
- Schtick in a Box: The Secrets to Lonely Island's Success
- Twitter's New Comedy Genre: The 140-Character One-Liner
- Why America's Funniest Home Videos Won't Die
Feed a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Feed a fish a man and he'll eat for like two and a half months.
Rainn Wilson | @rainnwilson
Had my son's hearing tested because he's always yelling. Turns out he's just an asshole :(
Kelly Oxford | @kellyoxford
in American culture, men get tribal tattoos to signify that I won't date them
Kate Riley | @bubblebathos
Ever sneeze so hard that your parents got divorced?
Lauren Caltagirone | @MrsRupertPupkin
"OK, that's enough attention for me" -No one on twitter
Shelby Fero | @shelbyfero
I like my women the way I like my Star Wars films - At least 27 years old & never having had Hayden Christensen in them.
Eli Braden | @elibraden
As my 5 year-old son and I carved the pumpkin today, I swear I heard him say, "That's what happens to snitches."
Conan O'Brien | @ConanOBrien
A super quick way to look really disturbing is to walk through the rain really slowly without trying to cover yourself at all
Mindy Kaling | @mindykaling
'Liking' something on Facebook instead of commenting is like nodding at someone in an elevator instead of saying hello.
Jordan Rubin | @jordanrubin
TBS you don't need to announce "you are watching the wizard of oz" over the shot of Dorothy walking down the fucking yellow brick road.
Tim Heidecker | @timheidecker
At Vegas Consumer Electronics Show: Saw large wooden device that can fling boulders over castle walls. iPad killer.
Steve Martin | @SteveMartinToGo
I'm afraid if the Superbowl is being broadcast into space, aliens will interpret this Black Eyed Peas performance as an act of war.
Eugene Mirman | @EugeneMirman
I am eating that dense German health bread that is the size and weight of a thick leather wallet.
John Hodgman | @hodgman
12 string guitars only have 6 extra strings, but they're 85 TIMES as likely to be used in a song about wizards.
Rob Delaney | @robdelaney
Just visited MySpace. Half the lights are out, bears are living in my comments section, and a homeless guy's been pooping in my blog.
Patton Oswalt | @pattonoswal
If someone says they're only human, give them a second look. That sure does sound like something a robot would say.
"LBJ" | @ladybirdj
Your funky hat lets me know that you're crazy
Sarah Silverman | @SarahKSilverman
Finding the perfect analogy is like balancing a muffin on a pencil.
Joe Randazzo | @Randazzoj
I think I could fake sign language myself out of a jam.
Alec Sulkin | @thesulk
Graphic designers! Hire me to explain your job to your dads!
Alison Agosti | @Just_Alison
I'm no doctor but I've seen enough porn endings in my day to suggest that penises should have a "Not For Opthalmic Use" warning on the side.
Chris Hardwick | @nerdist
Sometimes playing catch is very similar to throwing things at a child in a backyard.
Demetri Martin | @DemetriMartin
"Ok, sure." -Nicolas Cage, after reading any script
Jon Friedman | @friedmanjon
That cop says I should go to jail for smoking PCP in my car, but I say that cop should go to jail for being a saber-toothed tiger.
Megan Amram | @meganamram
I think more than one company should be allowed to sell
Monopoly.
Judah Friedlander | @JudahWorldChamp
