When I was a kid the whole princess thing was filed under “Boring and Irrelevant Things,” along with macroeconomics, upholstery, and Congressional subcommittee hearings.
And why shouldn't it have been filed there? The only Disney princesses available at that time were Snow White and Cinderella, and two more boring characters had never sashayed across the screen, to my mind. They made me want to shove my popcorn down the back of my shirt just to see what would happen. Would it crunch when I sat back? Would my brother still eat it afterward?
I don’t remember any pressure to catch the princess boat either. I suppose it helped that I had two brothers and my mom wasn’t the girly type. No, there just wasn’t much social support for princesses in my life, but plenty for geeks. Thirty-five years later I am now blogging on GeekMom, not PrincessMom. Thankfully.
And so I greet Disney's decision to abandon princess stories with a truckload of high-spirited indifference. Hooray! Whatever!
When Prince William and Kate Middleton announced their engagement recently, I had occasion to pull out the "Boring and Irrelevant Things" file and revisit the princess entry. This young woman, Kate, is about to become a real-life princess. Perhaps the life of a real princess won’t be so bad? I considered the evidence.
According to my exclusive and unimpeachable sources (People Magazine and Us Weekly), Kate will enjoy endless perks: ginormous royal estates, crazy whiz-bang bling, more servants than she can count, and so on.
So far, my internal response is: meh. Wouldn’t all that get very old very quickly? Didn’t we learn from Princess Diana that if the Prince is being a jerk, no jewelry makes up for it? Also, having servants is to me like having root canal. Weirdly, I once found myself living for a few weeks alone in a large house in Senegal that came complete with a maid, a cook, a gardener and a guard. I’ve never been more uncomfortable in my life. I hated having things “done” for me, and just wished we could all sit down for a beer together. Not happening.
Sources also reveal that Kate will give up much. Once a princess, she basically can’t make a move without the Queen’s blessing. Every part of her life will be scripted, arranged, and either supported or pointedly not supported by the crown (c.f. Diana again.) She’ll have endless mandatory public appearances where she has to schmooze, look fabulous, and care about things. Add to that the paparazzi and the endless public speculation about scandal, weight gain, and wardrobe, and … well… you’ve got my personal vision of hell. In my view, Kate is strolling, with excellent posture and a dazzling smile, straight into a gilded cage (c.f. Diana yet again.)
I wonder what her internal monologue is. Did she want to wear that feather hat, above? Does she dread becoming a princess? Welcome it? Is she putting up with the princess part because William is such a mensch? Or is she just pretending to love William so she can be the princess? Yes, dear reader, it took that long for me to come upon that last idea, which perhaps you’ve been yelling at the screen for several paragraphs now. I guess I'm just that geeky.
So after my reconsideration of princessing, I think I'll keep it filed where it is. Congratulations to Kate Middleton, and not-that-there’s-anything-wrong-with-that, but I’m happy to miss this boat.
I’m just relieved that Prince William decided against proposing to me. I would have had to break his heart, poor thing.
