Editor's note: Wired.com contributor Zach Rosenberg recently returned from four months in Afghanistan, where, among other things, he learned how to navigate the streets of the country's capital in a battered Toyota Corolla.
So you¹re in Kabul and need to get somewhere, huh?
Oh sure, you can take a cab. There are taxis everywhere, they're cheap and the drivers are, for the most part, honorable and upstanding citizens, but despite a significant drop in kidnappings your safety is by no means guaranteed. There are a few unmarked call-taxi services that cater to foreigners -- the drivers speak English, they know everyone you'll want to go and they often have the connections to get you where ordinary drivers cannot.
But you want to do this yourself, huh? Let me mention that I don't recommend going to Kabul, let alone driving there, but since you've made it this far, here's what you can expect.
Preflight Procedure
The good news is Kabul is relatively safe in comparison to the rest of Afghanistan, so you're unlikely to die violently in traffic. Still, it can, and does, happen. A UN vehicle was shot up at busy Massoud Circle in June, and a car bomb on the major Darulaman road killed several
passersby in May. Bombs, gunfights and riots are rare, but of course you can't predict when and where they might occur. So unless you have the services of an armored car and/or armed guard, your best insurance is to to fit in. Chose an inconspicuous car. Make sure the shocks are in good shape, because you'll definitely need them. It's nice to have windows that roll up tightly because it gets dusty.
Afghanistan lets expats live by different rules than the locals but only behind closed doors. Out in public, you're in their country and have to play by their rules. So ladies, don't drive. It will attract unwanted attention, to the point that it might actually cause accidents. Women passengers should cover their hair with a hijab. * Kharijis* can wear Afghan clothes if they like, but you are unlikely to convince anyone -- we just carry ourselves differently.
Before leaving, make sure you have a cell phone and someone to call if it all goes bad. And don't forget your passport and visa. You'll need 'em for the checkpoints.
Sharing the Road
High-mileage Toyota Corollas are so ubiquitous as to deserve a place on the Afghan flag. In fact, if you're in Kabul, you're probably driving one. Most of them are well-worn imports from Canada, the United States, Germany and other western nations and many bear stickers or flags identifying them as such. They often sport bumperstickers from their homelands. Logos of American universities are common. Less common but endlessly ironic are the occasional "Bush/Cheney ¹04," "Jesus Saves" and "My Child is a Star Pupil At..." stickers.
Kabuli car culture demands some personalization, so Afghan drivers usually slap their own stickers on their rides. Masha Allah and romantic boasts are especially prevalent, but, as in America, you'll see all kinds of crazy things. One of the most memorable I saw was a taxi that proclaimed "Girls dn¹t cry I will be back I will see you in hill" (sic) on the back and "Son of Panjshir" on the side.
Armored Toyota Land Cruisers and Chevrolet Suburbans carry everyone from NATO troops and contractors to NGO personnel and wealthy Afghans. They've usually got an armed guard riding shotgun with an AK-47. They're common enough not to attract too much attention, but they also make convenient targets when something goes wrong. In July, two SUVs carrying U.S. contractors ran an Afghan car off the road, killing two and sparking a brief anti-American riot.
The Afghan National Police (ANP) drive green Ford pickups, often with several armed policemen in the back. You'll occasionally see them in plain clothes and/or masked. You'll also occasionally see a PK machine gun mounted to the cab. They sometimes shout through a loudspeaker at other drivers in Dari, offering an opinion on how you can best get out of their way. They're generally ignored. You'll see and hear cars with sirens and police lights, but they are not necessarily police. You'll also see masked gunmen without uniforms; they're usually the private militia of warlords or prominent personalities.
You'll also share the road with the buses and vans that constitute mass transit in Kabul. There is no central planning authority; the destinations of these vehicles are shouted and their routes known only by precedent. They're often so ridiculously overloaded that passengers stand on the bumpers, holding on for their lives. Technically, heavy machinery is not permitted within city limits during the day -- which is why you'll see lines of trucks on the outskirts of town, waiting for nightfall -- but well-connected companies with permits or "understandings" with the ANP roam freely
NATO nations drive beefy armored vehicles on transportation and patrol missions. By far the most common are U.S. troops in tan armored Humvees, which have been replaced by MRAPs (Mine Resistant Ambush Protected vehicles) outside the city. The Humvees, which travel in slow columns, have enormous machine gun turrets. They scare the hell out of Afghan drivers, and a nervous rear gunner with a green laser sight mounted to his gun is the only thing to command near-total submission from Kabuli motorists. Their arrival often is heralded by
mounted jammers that cut off all cellphones within a small radius of the vehicles. They will not hesitate to let
you know when you are too close, so you'll want to keep your distance. Just in case.
The Hazards
Kabul¹s roads are mainly pitted dirt, which makes for a rough ride. Paved roads have unexpected gaps where tarmac gives way to dirt, and these can back up traffic for miles. And of course there often are large potholes that everyone swerves around, making traffic look something like a game of pinball. The Darulaman road is a good example.
Within the the city, roads usually are lined on both sides by open sewers and/or trash pits deep enough to trap a car. You do not want to end up in one. After I told a friend about stepping in one, she suggested I burn my shoes. She was not entirely kidding.
Kabul is home to roughly 3.5 million people and adds more every day and simply is not designed for so many. The inevitable result is traffic tends to move slowly and the city frequently experiences gridlock. Frequent obstacles include beggar children waving burning canisters of noxious chemicals (said to ward off the evil eye), pedestrians, police roadblocks, flocks of sheep, stray dogs and large rocks.
Those with experience driving in developing nations will feel almost at home, but everyone else will quickly notice there is no semblance of traffic laws. The handful of traffic signs are universally ignored; there are rumors of traffic signals, which are said not to work and would be ignored in any case. Driving on the right, as most traffic does, is entirely circumstantial, and you will frequently come head-on with other cars on major roads. Blocking a major intersection to talk to a friend or pull a three-point turn is no big deal. The manner in which drivers enter a crowded intersection is determined by who gets there first and takes the initiative. Pause and you will never get through. While traffic is calm and smooth on Friday afternoons, the only day off for most Afghans, by evening the two-lane, bi-directional roads into Kabul become seven-land one-way expressways as picnickers and day-trippers stream back into the city after a day off. Obeying the occasional traffic policeman is subject to conditions.
The traffic is refreshing in its purity; it inspires a creativity unthinkable in the United States. The only limitations to a Kabuli driver are physical boundaries, such as buildings, and his imagination. While Kabuli drivers regularly do dangerous things, they tend to move with good reason and safety under the circumstances. It is a marked contrast to the irrational, boneheaded stupidity of traffic in our own capital.
Of course, Kabuli drivers are not entirely rational either. Should an obstruction block the road, it is quite common to see drivers meet head-on and argue over who must yield as traffic backs up in all directions behind them, blocking them in and requiring delicate maneuvers to solve.
Getting There
Much of Kabul is conveniently built on a grid system, but one of the most confusing aspects of Kabul is there are no street signs or street
addresses. As a result, locations often are defined by their neighborhood and relation to landmarks -- for example, "Shar-e-Now, 3rd door on the left on the street opposite the Dutch embassy" is the address of a major hotel. One fellow I met in Kabul painted a random number outside his house, and that became his address. Don't bother with a commercial GPS, it will not help.
Being that you're a foreigner, you should obey any and all discernable local traffic laws. There may be policemen directing traffic at major
intersections, and while many Kabulis ignore him completely, it is advisable that you heed his directions. The Afghan National Police has built a series of roadblocks, known euphemistically as the "Ring of Steel," that are sometimes manned. They'll occasionally check vehicles, so be prepared to stop, open your car and hand over your passport and visa. Strictly speaking, foreigners must have a special permit to drive, but this rule is rarely enforced and, I hear, easily circumvented with a small U.S.-denominated donation. Many streets are blocked by red and white booms that foreigners should not attempt to cross without a permit.
If you find yourself lost, don't panic. There are many neighborhoods where you should remain as inconspicuous as possible, but many
neighborhoods are safe. Your gut feeling and experience should tell you which is which. While foreigners tend to attract attention
everywhere, it is not necessarily of a malicious nature. Afghans are famously hospitable to guests, and if you can speak Dari most pedestrians will gladly offer directions and some will invite your for tea, as per custom. Many Kabuli's speak at least some English, but of course there is always room for misunderstanding. The longer you stay, the more attention you're likely to garner.
There are several day trips worth making from Kabul, including to the beautiful village of Istalif and the mountainous Salang Pass. You
will not, however, want to drive too far outside the city alone, nor will you want to take the roads south or west. Outside the capital,
Afghanistan is a highly provincial place, where with even a few minute's journey you will find yourself in a completely new and
potentially dangerous situation. In Logar Province, a mere half-hour south of Kabul, your arrival is likely to be noted and
your progress transmitted along the route in case someone wants to set up an ambush, as happened last month to two Navy SEALs.
In the event you get the feel for traffic in this city, successfully navigate its myriad hazards and reach your destination, feel free to park
anywhere you like. You will not be ticketed.
Photo: Emilio Morenatti / Associated Press. An Afghan traffic police officer gets creative while directing traffic.
