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1. Will My Kids Like It?
You may remember the title character Machete, the gruff but lovable uncle played by Danny Trejo in the Spy Kids series. Turns out, this is NOT the sequel to Spy Kids 3D. But my kids – who have become extreme fans of director Robert Rodriguez, who also did* Sin City* and Grindhouse – already knew that when they begged me to take them. Here Machete, the former federale, illegally crosses the border from Mexico into Texas and gets caught up in a political scheme that gives him the chance to pay back the corrupt leaders who betrayed him. There’s also lots of romping about with such co-stars as Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriguez (the helicopter pilot from Avatar). So yeah, if your kids are teenage boys, they’ll like it.
2. Will the Clerk at the Ticket Booth Let Me Drop the Kids Off to See This R-rated Film While I Go Next Door to Watch George Clooney?
No.
3. Will I Like It?
Surprisingly, yes. Although I had to hide my eyes at several points in the action, this is a grainy exploitation flick with lots of humor and intelligence.
4. How is the Cast?
Danny Trejo’s lived-in face is of course worth watching all on its own. And with Robert DeNiro, Cheech Marin, Steven Seagal and Don Johnson in supporting roles, Rodriguez certainly had a lot to work with.
__5. Does it Have Any Redeeming Social Value?
__
Although I hadn’t seen it mentioned in any of the reviews, the plot actually centers around the issue of illegal immigration. You will gain an appreciation of the role Mexican workers play in the US economy, versus how they are perceived by some of our louder politicians. So you could almost call it educational.
6. When Would be the Best Time for a Bathroom Break?
When the hero swings out of the hospital window using the bad guy's disemboweled small intestine as a rope, or any time Trejo starts swinging those machetes. You’re not going to be looking at the screen then anyway.
7. Any Good Previews?
What is it with previews that show you the entire movie? I guess they’re helpful to keep you informed if you’re not planning on seeing those movies anyway. But Green Hornet looked promising.
8. How Are the Special Effects?
Did I mention the intestines?
9. Is It Loud or Scary?
No, it’s not particularly loud.
10. Is the Ending Satisfying?
Rodriguez puts an interesting twist on the classic hero riding off into the sunset ending – and then throws up title cards which promise sequels to come.
