Batman, Iron Man and the Hulk walk into a bar. Where they run into Doc Octo-Mom, Male Drag Wonder Woman, Brief Justice and The Panty Raider and dozens of other superheroes and costumed criminals.
Everybody gets smashed.
It's just another fun-filled night on the town with the Drunken Justice League, the loose association of caped crusaders and supervillains behind the annual Superhero Crawl in Reno, Nevada.
"Most of the heroes seem to be affected by Jell-O shots," evil masterminds Gator Lanphear and Matt Goedert told Wired.com in an e-mail interview dispatched from Drunken Justice League headquarters. "It's their kryptonite, so the villains are always trying to buy them multiple rounds."
The JDL expects 800 to 1,000 costumed cocktailers at this year's event, which takes place Saturday in "The Biggest Little City in the World." Find out more about the fourth annual charity mission in the top-secret message below.
Wired.com: Everybody knows about Tony Stark's drinking problem. Who's the biggest boozer in the Drunken Justice League?
Drunken Justice League: Tony ... err ... Mr. Stark is on our board of directors. Aquaman drinks like a fish, but it's the Hulk that is always buying tequila shots for the ladies, hoping that it will give him more sex appeal than, "Hulk smashed!" It hasn't worked yet, but his bar tab is definitely incredible.
Wired.com: Who are the members of the Drunken Justice League?
Drunken Justice League: We are always accepting applications to join the DJL. Currently, we boast about 400 active heroes and villains. Sidekicks and henchman are welcome to apply, but there's a pretty crazy hazing process, and no guarantee they'll become full members.
Wired.com: Any booze-related superpowers?
Drunken Justice League: Is whiskey dick a superpower? Because it has saved us many times ... and got us into a lot of trouble.
Wired.com: Why a superhero pub crawl?
Drunken Justice League: We were looking to reconnect with our inner child. You know, the one who wrapped a towel around his neck, got his special powers from his Superman Pez dispenser and thought he could fly out the window to save the day.
Wired.com: What's the best costume in the event's three-year history?
Drunken Justice League: Crowd favorites include The Ambiguously Gay Duo, Doc Octo-Mom, Male Drag Wonder Woman, Bluntman & Chronic, both Tank Girls, Brief Justice & The Panty Raider, and plenty of sexy Batgirls, Catgirls, Supergirls and Super School Girl.
Wired.com: Does the pub crawl take place on foot, or is there some sort of superhero transport (like a S.H.I.E.L.D. Helicarrier or something)?
Drunken Justice League: With more than 20 bars in the small Reno downtown area, we encourage all the crimefighters and criminals to park their Batmobiles and invisible jets in the parking garage and hit the streets -- ready for action! We would hate to see any costumed participants wind up in the slammer.
Wired.com: What's the reaction from onlookers as they see throngs of superheroes in Reno's streets and bars?
Drunken Justice League: The first Superhero Crawl was definitely full of confusion by most of the citizens of our Biggest Little Metropolis. However, with the increase in numbers, we have gained the respect and admiration of our fair city. And we hear a lot of, "Hey! I wanna take a picture with Space Ghost!"
Wired.com: Have there been any superhero smackdowns in years past, either between costumed participants or between participants and outside hooligans?
Drunken Justice League: There was an incident involving Superman, Wonder Woman and the Invisible Man, but it's Reno. -- nobody sayin' nuttin. And the term "coyote ugly" takes on a whole new meaning when you wake up next to the Bruce Banner. You really don't want to make him angry.
Wired.com: What charity(s) benefit?
Drunken Justice League: This year, all proceeds benefit will go to local schools using DonorsChoose.org. They are an online charity with the goal of helping public school teachers from every corner of America with classroom project requests. Requests range from pencils for a poetry-writing unit, to violins for a school recital, to microscope slides for a biology class. Donors then browse project requests and give any amount to one that inspires them. Once a project reaches its funding goal, donorschoose.org delivers the materials to the school.
Wired.com: How much money was raised last year?
Drunken Justice League: We raised over $2,000 for the Washoe County School District police department for the purchase of a gun-sniffing dog. Zack has been saving the kiddies for over a year.
Wired.com: What bars will you be hitting this year?
Drunken Justice League: We are focusing our efforts on 20 bars. Hopefully, we can save the world, one drink at a time. Of course, every participant will make a special trip to the Reno Arch at midnight for our annual group photo.
Wired.com: What's the usual ratio of superheroes to supervillains?
Drunken Justice League: It's about 50/50 but by dawn, we're all pretty nefarious.
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