Editor's note: This article was recently discovered in the GeekDad Newspaper archive currently housed in the Smithsonian warehouse.
by Martin Silverman II
GeekDad Column, Washington Post April 30, 1938
Today is a momentous day in history dear readers, for today a hero emerged from the skies wearing blue tights and a red cape. This regular joe couldn't believe his blinkers when he saw the sight for himself.
From out of nowhere, a path within the clouds perhaps, comes this flying rugged fellow carrying none other than lobbyist Alex Greer! After tiptoeing on power lines, this super man delivered the dirty lobbyist straight to the capital. It seemed that the super man witnessed Greer bribing Senator Barrows, who will also face charges. It was a sight to behold, this copper without a buzzer taking the law in his own hands. As I asked around the fellow newspapermen I found out that this "Superman" had been busy since making his appearance known.
I spoke to Daily Planet reporter Lois Lane, a butter and egg fly dame with a sharp nose for news. She was out at a local jolly up with fellow reporter Clark Kent, who exhibited particular cowardice in the face of confrontation and allowed Ms. Lane to be accosted by a local hoodlum by the name of Butch Matson. After Ms. Lane left she was again accosted by Matson, but the scene was this time observed by Superman and not the coward Mr. Kent.
After Ms. Lane was kidnapped by Matson, Superman caught up to the speeding car. You read that correctly, he ran faster than a speeding automobile! I could not believe my ears. Surely this must be the hallucinogenic rantings of a frantic muffin, but Ms. Lane assured me that is what happened. This was nothing compared to what transpired next dear readers.
Superman hoisted Matson's tin can above his head as if he was lifting a bag of marbles and smashed it into bits. He then literally hung Matson up a telephone pole to await the Coppers. Ms. Lane then got a personal lift back to the city from Superman as with great leaps and bounds he left her on the outskirts with a message to not print a story of that nights exploits. As Ms. Lane told me, she attempted but her editor wasn't buying it.
Then I spoke to an aide in the Governor's office and it seems that Superman was the one who delivered the evidence to the Governor's doorstep to spare Eveyln Curry from the Hotsquat. While convincing the Governor, the Governor's butler threw lead at Superman but the bullet (hold your breath dear readers) bounced off his chest as if a stone was being flicked. Bounced off his chest!
Dear readers, I implore you to consider the implications of such a powerful fellow flying around our fair country and stopping crime. Should we condone such ruthless vigilantism? How do we know for sure that he is anything but a crumb in disguise? Do a couple of good deeds by an apparent super human man make for a system of trust within the nation? And what does this mean for our current law enforcement professionals, the coppers who are walking the beat day in and day out keeping our citizens safe from goons and half portion greaseballs?
Hopefully with time we'll be able to answer these questions, but for now we'll have to keep our lamps to the skies, watching and waiting for the inevitable heroics of Superman. I can tell you that this reporter is in awe dear readers, it's a new age in America, the age of the Superman.
Image: DC Comics, Action Comics #1
