Brrrrrrr. Man, it is cold out there. And that snow is deep. The "snowicane" that's dumped 3 feet of the white stuff on the Northeast has our one-man Pittsburgh bureau dreaming of a vacation someplace a little more hospitable – like, say, Nome, Alaska. And our man in Denver? We haven't heard from him in days. He muttered something about hitting the slopes, because the mountains are finally getting some snow.
Good thing those guys have wheels perfectly suited to the snowpocalypse. Our own Joe Brown was trying to convince them the Ford Freestyle is just the thing for hitting the road when the drifts are taller than you are. They didn't agree, which of course prompted a nasty argument, and before long we had a list of vehicles that are just the thing for slip-sliding away to work or heading for the mountains to do some skiing.
Such cars are, ideally, an equal mix of durability, practicality and cargo capacity with perhaps a bit of disposability thrown in. Why disposability? Well, where there's snow, there's probably salt, and few things will destroy a car faster – unless it's slick roads coupled with a lifelong desire to race in Rally Sweden. Seriously – at what other time of year can you legitimately slide through stop signs and do e-brake power slides without fear of being pulled over for reckless driving?
With such considerations in mind, we have made a list of cars that are perfect for a "snowicane" or heading to the mountains for a weekend on the slopes. It is by no means complete, and you'll surely want to flame us for leaving something off. Please don't do that. Tomorrow we'll run a post with a Reddit widget so you can make your own suggestions and vote for your favorite.
Above:
These two cars are in Pittsburgh. Couldn't you tell?
Flickr/kordite
Audi 4000S Quattro
This car started the all-wheel-drive sedan craze and made AWD available to those who couldn't handle the awesomeness of the Quattro Coupe. Audi's first-gen quattro system was mechanical, meaning the center and rear differential had to be locked into place with a dashboard switch. This let you do rear-wheel spinouts with reckless abandon while still giving you the option to get out of anything short of quicksand. The cars also were bulletproof, with many doing well over 250,000 miles.
Photo: Audi
Volvo 240 Wagon
Shaped like a brick, yes. Anemic, even with a turbocharged 4-cylinder engine, yes. Practical to the point of being boring, yes. Yet the 240 remains a fantastic car, especially in snow. It'll carry you, four friends and all your gear up any mountain, or through even the most snowbound city. Plus they're tougher than a quantum-physics final. Still not convinced? Well, remember Sweden gets a lot of snow.
Photo: Volvo
Toyota Pickup
Pick one. It doesn't matter what year. They're all damn near indestructible. Did you see what the guys at Top Gear did to one? If Jeremy Clarkson can't kill one, neither can you. On top of that, the trucks are known for efficiency, dependability and utter coolness. You could drive one to the North Pole if you had to. Just ask the guys at Top Gear.
Photo: Toyota
Ford Freestyle
It's comfortable. It's got loads of room. It's easy to drive. It's all-wheel drive. And it's got a fuel-sippin' V-6. The Freestyle never got any respect, which is one reason Ford only made it for five years. But it's perfect for soccer moms and the snowpocalypse, and those who didn't hoon it in powder lost out.
Photo: Ford
Porsche 911 Carrera 4S
A Porsche? For the snowpocalypse? Yes. Everything looks better from behind the wheel of a Porsche, and the snow is no exception. You can put a rack on it to carry skis and snowboards. It's got heated seats and a heated steering wheel to keep you toasty. Anti-lock brakes and stability control help keep you out of trouble. And of course it's got all-wheel drive. Still, the laws of physics will kick in at some point, and that flat-6 mounted waaaay out in back will keep even the most well-poised drivers on their toes at times. It allows for some awesome e-brake slides. No, the car doesn't rank at all highly on the disposability factor, so make sure your deductible is low.
Photo: Porsche
Subaru Outback
All-wheel drive, cavernous interior and anvil-like reliability. 'Nuff said.
Photo: Subaru
Jeep Grand Wagoneer
Once upon a time SUVs were trucks with four doors. They didn't have leather, they didn't have DVD players, and they sure as hell didn't cost $74,000. The Grand Wagoneer was the definition of that formula: Four doors, a V-8 and all the capability of the CJ. That was back when Jeep didn't have to say its trucks were "trail-rated." You just knew it. Most of them have long since rusted away to nothing, but you can find some nice and even restored Grand Wagoneers if you're patient. To the originals still out there, we salute you.
Photo: Jeep
Ford Econoline
This perennial hauler has been known to carry anything and everything. One Autopian had a '78 Econoline beater that served him well through several midwestern winters. The straight-6 was underpowered. The heater was a joke. And it handled like a toboggan. But it was built like a tank and took huge amounts of abuse. Brute strength makes up for a lack of finesse, if you don’t care about sliding into anything.
Photo: Flickr/Steve G. Bisig
Any $500 Heap
OK, let's face it. As cool as most of these cars are, a cheap heap really is all you need for winter. If you've got a sweet car, why subject it to snow, salt and morons who can't drive when things get slick? Keep your baby in the garage and hit the roads in a hoopty. Our favorite is the AMC Eagle. Supremely practical, all-wheel-drive and – best of all – available with fake wood grain if you get the wagon.
Photo: AMC
Any Decommissioned World Rally Championship Car
Completely impractical, horribly expensive and probably illegal in most places, but you can't beat a WRC car as the ultimate snowpocalypsemobile. Insane power, all-wheel drive and a five-point safety harness to keep your limbs in a tidy pile when things go bad. And they will. Putting your skis on the roof of a WRC car and roaring through Park City with an open exhaust is the road-going equivalent of flipping your middle finger at society. That's a good thing.
Photo: Citroen
