Music: Wired's Second Annual Rippy Awards

Wired bestows the awards that the Grammys won't, including [Sic]est Twitter Feud, Most Memorable '90s Comeback, and Most Heartbreaking Death.
Illustration The Little Friends of Printmaking
Illustration: The Little Friends of Printmaking

Last year was a weird one for music: A Scottish spinster singing an old show tune became a YouTube sensation. The MTV Video Music Awards reclaimed cultural relevance, thanks to a certain ego-tripping, speech-crashing hip hop star. The two most celebrated musicians were a moon-walking pop icon and a keyboard-playing cat — both dead. And because the stodgy Grammys will, as ever, ignore the most interesting music achievements, Wired once again presents the Rippy Awards.

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[Sic]est Twitter Feud

  1. Perez Hilton vs. Lily Allen ("And if I wanted to be a fucked up Brit, I'd rather be Amy Winehouse — whose got talent")

  2. Chris Brown vs. Tila Tequila ("NOT TRYNA BE RUDE but i keep hearing tila bringing my name up. ur 15 seconds of fame has ended. dont try to gain fans by dissing me.godbless")

  3. Courtney Love vs. the Veronicas "... why is the Blonde one from the verons or whatever they are clled wearing my actual clothes?" Most Memorable '90s Comeback

  4. Faith No More

  5. The Jesus Lizard

  6. Pixies

  7. Health care reform Most Infectious Viral Video

  8. "I Dreamed a Dream," Susan Boyle

  9. "Queen Medley," Filipino prisoners dance troupe

  10. "JK Wedding Dance," featuring Chris Brown

  11. "Crotch-in-the-Cam Super Bowl Stage Slide," Bruce Springsteen Most Overcrowded Supergroup

  12. Monsters of Folk (Jim James, Conor Oberst, M. Ward, Mike Mogis)

  13. Them Crooked Vultures (Dave Grohl, Josh Homme, John Paul Jones)

  14. Untitled Thom Yorke Project (Yorke, Flea, Nigel Godrich, Joey Waronker)

  15. The 30 Rock Kidney Now! Collective (Clay Aiken, Elvis Costello, Moby, Michael McDonald) Most Heartbreaking Death

  16. Michael Jackson

  17. Les Paul

  18. Mary Travers

  19. The Pirate Bay Most Astute Online Review of the Kanye West-Taylor Swift Debacle

  20. "Kanye West is the biggest piece of shit on earth. Quote me." — Pink, on Twitter

  21. "IT'S LIKE U STEPPED ON A KITTEN." — Katy Perry, on Twitter

  22. "[Y]ou just keep amazing me with your tactless, asshole ways." — Kelly Clarkson, on Iamkelly.wordpress.com

  23. "He's a jackass." — President Barack Obama, via an ABC reporter's Twitter feed Most Stilted Onscreen Performance

  24. Britney Spears as a bikini-clad Top 10 reader, a

  25. Madonna and Lady Gaga as pissy prima donnas, Saturday Night Live

  26. Kurt Cobain as Jon Bon Jovi, Guitar Hero 5Most Inauspicious Debut

  27. Pete Yorn and Scarlett Johansson, Break Up

  28. The Dead Weather, Horehound

  29. Google's "Discover Music" Most Anticipated Album Leak

  30. Merriweather Post Pavilion, Animal Collective

  31. No Line on the Horizon, U2

  32. The Blueprint 3, Jay-Z

  33. The Twilight Saga: New Moon, Various Artists Least Anticipated Album Leak

  34. For(N)ever, Hoobastank

  35. Scream, Chris Cornell

  36. Music for Cougars, Sugar Ray

  37. Chickenfoot, Chickenfoot