We're just going ahead and pre-emptively awarding the coveted __Press Release of the Year* *__award to Aksys Games for this dirty love note about Cho Aniki Zero, a downloadable PSP game that the company will release this spring.
The game is one of a long line of shooters filled with bizarre homoerotic imagery, mostly in the form of muscle-bound bald men in strange suggestive poses. The original 16-bit game is available on Virtual Console.
The press release wins this award for lines like "Cho Aniki Zero will be oiled up and ready to thrust its way onto your PSP" and "Collect enough Man Protein to unleash the devastating attack of the Men’s Beam!"
But what clinches it is Aksys exec producer Frank "bo" deWindt II (actual name), who says that if you play this game you will "find yourself chugging down protein shakes between levels before you know it!"
Let's all thank the era of downloadable games for bringing this entry to the U.S., because there is not a person alive who would have put this on the shelf at GameStop.
AKSYS GAMES BRINGS FORTH CHO ANIKI ZERO!
Behold! Drink Your Protein Shake And Witness The Birth Of The Manliest Shooter EVER!
Torrance, CA (October 13th, 2009) – Aksys Games, a publisher of interactive entertainment products, proudly brings you this announcement, in exaltation of all that is manly: in spring 2010, Cho Aniki Zero will be oiled up and ready to thrust its way onto your PSP (PlayStation Portable) system! Sold exclusively as a digital download through the PlayStation Store, Cho Aniki Zero gives players the chance to take part in an epic struggle alongside heroes Idaten and Benten as they blast through the muscle-bounded forces of Emperor Balzac II.
Cho Aniki Zero brings manliness back to the old-school shoot-em-up genre and, warps it to another dimension of sights and sounds. In Cho Aniki Zero, players will be introduced to brand-new characters and newly heightened experiences of rhythmic action, intertwined with the famous BGM of Kouji Hayama. Battle through five man-rageous levels of brotherly love and muscle-on-muscle madness!
The Story So Far…
Since the death of Balzac, the Builder Planet has celebrated a long period of peace.
However, as time goes by, protein becomes scarce, and protein deficiency is soon a serious problem for the Builder Planet. As people struggle for control over what protein is left, Balzac II begins his subtle rise to power...
Learning of his return, Idaten and Benten take up arms and begin their man-tastic voyage...
“Cho Aniki Zero is a real trip,” said Frank “Bo” deWindt II, Associate Producer, Aksys Games. “It’s wacky, hilarious, and just plain fun. Be it the crazy characters, the challenging gameplay, or even the out-of-this-world enemies, you’ll find yourself chugging down protein shakes between levels before you know it!”
Key Features:
• MUSCLE REIGNS SUPREME
Choose between Idaten and Benten, then select your “Option” (sidekick) such as Samson, Adon, or Micha & El. Defeat Emperor Balzac before he claims the universe’s protein for himself!
• MEN’S BEEEEEEEAM!
Too much man-action on the screen? Collect enough Man Protein to unleash the devastating attack of the Men’s Beam!
• IT’S RAINING MEN!
Blaze through five man-mazing levels of love, and bear witness to the birth and rebirth of some of the greatest bromances of all time!
• CHOOSE WISELY…
Cho Aniki Zero offers multiple paths that leads to various endings for our muscle-bound heroes!
Image courtesy Aksys Games
