Hey, I took a shower. Well, sort of. It was in a bathroom at Ft. Myers' airport.
One of the most frequent questions I’ve been asked is how I plan to keep clean living in airports for a month. Now that I’ve had my first airport shower, it's as good a time as any to describe the ins and outs of bathing in an airport if you can’t talk your way into one of those premier lounges.
Here’s my handy step-by-step guide on how to get yourself clean in an airport, a combination of experience from camping, traveling and not wanting to irritate people with my B.O. before I’ve even hit a week’s time out here.
1. First off, if you're able to, get your hands on an airline overnight kit. Legacy carriers (the larger airlines like American, Delta and United) will have these, as will a few of the smaller ones. Incidentally, JetBlue does not. You can usually get one from baggage service personnel if you tell them you’re overnighting in the airport. If you’re polite and ask nicely, even a competing airline will be often happy to help you out.
An overnight bag isn’t essential, but it gives you more options for getting clean. They'll always have a toothbrush, some toothpaste and a comb, and often a few other amenities that'll make it that much easier to get clean.
2. Second, you're going to need to find as private a location as possible to wash up. Even if you have no qualms about bathing in public view, you're going to end up making people uncomfortable if they have to share the room with some topless schlub hoarding the paper towels and soap. Don't be that guy.
"Family" or "assisted" bathrooms are becoming common in airports, and that's what you're looking for. Your best bet is to find a secluded one since you'll be using it for awhile. It's also more likely to be clean. If crossing back through security isn't a concern, you'll sometimes find pristine bathrooms in the ticketing area, where people tend not to linger. Otherwise, head for the quieter areas of the airport (say, the terminal where IcelandAir is located) or to a concourse crammed with several carriers where you'll find lots of unused gates with correspondingly unused bathrooms. Make sure there are plenty of paper towels. Bringing extras from another bathroom as backup isn't a bad idea. Oh, and hey, do the rest of the world a favor and lock the door. Nobody wants to see what you're about to do.
3. All right, you've got your restroom and hopefully you've got an airline grab-bag to clean up with. Time to wash up. Go ahead and get all of your clothes off because you'll be splashing water all over the place. The grab rails in the handicap-accessible bathrooms make good racks for hanging stuff up.
Ideally, you'll have soap or body wash in the bag you got from the airline. Failing that, shampoo works well, although it may mean not washing your hair. Bathroom soap, especially the non-foaming kind, is your last resort. It's hard to lather, difficult to rinse and it leaves you smelling kind of funny.
Divide your body into zones because you’ll need several paper towels for each area. I found that upper, middle and lower worked best, but your mileage may vary according to your size. You’re going work with a 2:1 paper towel ratio, with two rinse towels for every one soap towel. Wet them down until they're saturated but not soaking. Set aside two of these to rinse off with, and apply some soap to a third one. It'll help to lather the soap first in your hands before applying it to the towel. Be conservative with the soap, though. You don't need a lot to get clean, and too much makes rinsing off tough. If you’re stuck with that awful pink gel soap, be especially judicious. It can be tough to get it all off, especially if you’re, um, hairy.
If you’ve used the right amount of soap, two rinse towels will be enough. I’ve been able to wash up using only 11 towels: three to lather, six to rinse and two to dry off. You really don't need to focus on any particular area for too long, as that's what the deodorant in the overnight bag is for. We're going for the cheap express car wash here, not the deluxe with underbody gloss. Lather, rinse, dry. Hair is kind of optional, but don't bother if it'll involve hand soap or paper towels. The former will be impossible to rinse out and you'll deforest a few acres trying to dry off with the latter.
Done? Good. Now do the guy after you a favor and wipe up all the water you've thrown around while cleaning up. It'll make things that much better for the next airport bather.
Got any comments or tips for washing up away from an actual shower? Let me know in the comments below. It might make my own experience that much better — for me and the people sitting next to me.
Editor's note: The Wi-Fi at Logan International sucks, so Brendan couldn't send more photos. We're working on it, and as soon as we have some we'll update the post and have Brendan tweet it. He's already tweeted about the mice he's seen in the terminal. That reminds us -- be sure to follow him on Twitter and a cool Google map he's putting together.
Photo: Brendan Ross / Wired.com
