With a long stop in Ft. Lauderdale today, I had time to catch a real shower. I know there are other people reading this who are using the All You Can Jet pass to explore JetBlue's route map, so I'm going to hold off on saying how I pulled it off. I don't want anybody stealing my technique and making it harder for me later on. But I will say it was completely within the rules -- I didn't leave airport property. And it didn't cost me a dime.
Speaking of showers, since telling you about my bathroom hack in Ft. Myers, I've been getting questions about what's inside those overnight bags airlines will give you as penance for losing your luggage. So, during a layover last weekend, I went around and picked up what the domestic airlines were giving out. Not everyone offers them. Aside from Southwest, the low-cost carriers are out, as were all of the international airlines I tried (save Air France, which uses codeshare partner Delta's kit). Still, I ended up with seven in all.
Here's how they stacked up.
US Airways
*Contents: Freshscent deodorant, Colgate toothpaste (tube), toothbrush, comb, shaving cream packets (2), razor, shampoo, conditioner, Woolite, heartfelt apology for losing your luggage.
*
US Airways has an average but competent set. The pencil bag-like kit, meant to make dealing with security a breeze, holds all of the standards, often by companies you've never heard of. This is one of the kits with shampoo, and one of only two that includes something to wash your clothes with. Bonus points for both. I like the addition of a "personal" note from senior VP Anthony Mulé, who presumably goes by Antonio Burró when traveling south of the border, offering his sincere apology for delaying my luggage. No se preocupe, Antonio. Está bien.
Score: 7 crying babies out of 10.
American Arlines
**
Contents: Toothpaste (tube), toothbrush, shave cream, razor, deodorant, hair spray, folding hair brush, heartfelt note apologizing for losing your luggage.
American's bag enthusiastically bills itself as a Spa in the Sky, leading you to believe you'll find one of those vibrating massager trinkets from Brookstone or Sharper Image. Instead, it's just an average set with "Spa in the Sky" stamped on everything. It includes a note from the entire airline's workforce apologizing for your inconvenience. That's touching, but come on guys, throw me a bone here. I'm sleeping in airports for a month. Never mind that it's for a competitor.
Score: 5 overbooked seats out of 10.
United Airlines
**
Contents: Deodorant, Colgate toothpaste (packet), toothbrush, comb, H2O transitive foamless shave cream, razor, H2O exfoliating sea marine body wash, H2O marine collagen conditioner, H2O sea marine revitalizing shampoo, H2O exfoliating marine body butter.
United succeeds where American fails, actually giving you things that look like they're from a spa, or at least a swanky hotel I would never be allowed into. Items in here have names like "Exfoliating marine body butter," words that probably mean more to women than men. I liked being able to see through the comb, an important feature if you're in front of a mirror in La Guardia and need to keep your guard up. Plus, this kit smells good. It radiated out into my bag, making my clothes smell aromatherapeutic. United FTW.
Score: 8 planes in a holding pattern out of 10.
Alaska Airlines
**
Contents: Freshmint toothpaste (tube), toothbrush, Freshscent deodorant, ShaveCream, razor, comb.
If overnight bags have a message, the kit from Alaska Airlines is "We hate you." This was by far the worse of the bunch, encased in an unmarked bag with a zipper that was, inexplicably, two inches longer than the bag it sealed. The bare minimum of nameless toiletries are found inside, on par with what you might get for free at a budget motel. No toothpicks handcrafted by Inuits from seal bones? Lame.
Score: Row 3 out of 10.
Delta Airlines
**
Contents: Two-pocketed bag with removable toiletry section, shaving cream, razor, deodorant, cotton swabs (4), cotton balls (2), Colgate toothpaste (packet), toothbrush, folding hair brush, powdered detergent, SkyTeam shirt (XL), heartfelt apology for losing your luggage.
One of only two bags to stand up on its own, Delta has a kit that I'd actually hold on to for a while. Along with the standards, you get a folding brush, powdered detergent, things with cotton on them, and, for some mysterious reason, an extra large Sky Team shirt. I guess you could use it as a pillow, or a towel, or craft it into some sort of lean-to for the night if you're feeling particularly entrepreneurial. The bag might be the best part, with a detachable toiletry section. Toss in some shampoo and this one would've been as good as it gets.
Score: 9 people out of 10 must be told to turn off their Blackberries before takeoff.
Continental Airlines
**
Contents: Dove deodorant, Colgate toothpaste (tube), toothbrush, Via! shaving cream packets (2), razor, Breck Salon Essentials shampoo packet, Dove hair spray, comb.
Continental is another middle-of-the-pack set, livened up some with brand names you'd actually recognize. The larger-sized deodorant might be the kind of thing that you'd want to take home for awhile, so long as you enjoy smelling like "powder," whatever that may entail. The shaving cream comes in those ubiquitous gold packets, but tossing a brand name on it, even one I've never heard of, makes it seem like I'm getting something more valuable. Nothing too exotic, as Continental's not going to reward you for losing your luggage. You should've carried it on anyway, n00b.
Score: 7-hour layover out of 10.
Southwest Airlines
**
Contents: Bag with multiple pockets and hanging hook, Speed Stick deodorant, Colgate toothpaste (tube), toothbrush with case, Scope, Silver Blade shaving cream, razor, Triple Lanolin hand and body lotion, Pert Plus shampoo, TRESemme hair spray, comb, hair brush, cotton swabs (35), cotton balls (4), bag to transport liquids on return flight, silica gel pack.
Southwest's overnight kit is a big love letter to its customers. The bag, which comes with multiple pockets and a hook to hang it with, has more stuff than I've got in my own bathroom. Name brand accoutrements, a toothbrush with a case, a full sized brush, Scope, and a clear bag to put it all in so you can take it back home with you. There's thirty-five cotton swabs in here. Thirty-five. That's enough to last me, like, six years. I'm never buying bathroom items again. Whenever I run out of something, I'll drive to the airport and head to the Southwest counter.
Score: 10 drunks in the airport bar out of 10.
So which came out on top? Take your pick out of four categories:
Best for professional airport sleepers: People who make a habit out of sleeping in airports already have all they need, but if they wanted a backup, United's pack does the trick. It keeps things lightweight and maximizes the value of each item. Shampoo, conditioner and lotion are rare finds, and this is the only bag with body wash in it. Plus, it comes with a little coupon that you can use to buy more H2O stuff when you land, in case you need more seaweed marine exfoliating guava extract hair butter.
Best for people who are actually stranded for the night: This was a toss up between Southwest and Delta, but the SkyTeam's contribution came out on top despite having less stuff. The addition of a shirt means that you now have something extra to use as a pillow (or a really small blanket), and the detergent lets you clean up after you spilled that Bloody Mary all over yourself.
Worst overall: Alaska Airlines takes the cake. Poor bag design and just a few items inside ensure that you'll be living spartan. Granted, beggars can't be choosers (unless they walk over to another airline's baggage office), but I expected so much more out of the cheery looking Eskimo on the tail of their planes.
Best overall: Southwest wins, hands down. My wife laughed out loud when I described how much stuff was in their bag. Speaking of which, it's an actual travel bag, meant for reuse. The total value of everything in here is probably around 30 bucks. Just another reason that Southwest is a front-runner in the industry. But hey, do them a favor and don't go snagging one of their bags unless you really need it. Too many people asking for these will probably lead to them cutting back to something less extravagant. Don't kill it, y'all.
I'm hearing preboarding announcements for my flight to Ft. Lauderdale, so I'd better go. I'll be in White Plains tonight, and will make short stops in Tampa and New York before crossing to country to San Jose tomorrow. It'll be a long day, but as my editor says, the more hellish it is for me, the more interesting it is for you.
Follow Brendan's travels on Twitter @Flyered and check out his itinerary on Google Maps. You can also track his flights to White Plains, Tampa, New York and San Jose through FlightAware.
Photos: Brendan Ross / Wired.com
