SAN DIEGO — Wednesday's Preview Night is in the books at Comic-Con International, and the first horde of genre fans are headed back to their hotel rooms heavily laden with merchandise they thought might not be available by Thursday.
If you'll be unable to attend this year's entertainment epicenter, there are activities you can enjoy that might allow you to simulate the Comic-Con experience.
For example, with a few quick, easy lessons you can walk as though you're on the Southern California convention floor. We present them in numerical order:
- The first step is actually to avoid taking any steps at all. Shuffle like a zombie no matter how much free space you have in front of you at a given moment. You'll slow down pedestrian traffic and make it more difficult for everyone around you. You get extra credit if you manage to avoid areas of less traffic and forgo freer movement for no apparent reason.
- Under no circumstances should you ever look where you're headed. You can glance side to side (or even up in some areas) as you meander forward. But, never shift your gaze to where your feet are taking you. This will better allow you to bump children to the ground and to ignore the desperate cries of guests in wheelchairs begging to get by you.
- When you do knock into someone, regardless of the severity of the bump or how hard their knees or buttocks hit the carpeted, though still quite hard, floor, ignore them and shuffle onward — stepping on them, if at all possible.
- Finally, at irregular intervals, stop. Just stop. Take no notice of who's behind you or how many people will pile into your backside. Just stop and gawk at something. If you should take a severe nudge from the person behind you, be sure to give them a dirty look.
By following these simple rules and donning your favorite Green Lantern 0r Yu Gi Oh T-shirt, you'll be able to enjoy your own vicarious Comic-Con thrill.
Excelsior.
Image courtesy Marvel Comics
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