* Illustration: Jason Lee * Imagine you're Tom Cruise. (Yes, it's frightening, but just play along.) You log onto Facebook, and, uh-oh, there's a friend request from one Nicole Kidman. You'd like to accept—despite a messy breakup, you're on cordial terms—but what would Katie say?
What you need here is a touch of game theory. This rarefied body of knowledge plays a role in many academic disciplines, but it can also keep an old flame from torching your current love life.
Consider how the actions available to you could play out: If you reject Nicole's request, you might piss her off, but Katie will be fine with it. That is, you forgo an addition to your network, but you lose nothing and retain a loved one's goodwill.
On the other hand, if you accept the request, you gain one friend and possibly others as you reenter Nicole's circle. And if all goes well, Katie won't mind; you'll score points without losing any.
But there's another outcome: You accept and Katie goes ballistic. You gain a friend, but you upset your spouse. Moreover, the impact could ripple through your network, driving away other friends. Damn!
If you're smooth enough to put Katie at ease ahead of time, you might pull it off. But if you screw up, it could be an epic fail. Clearly, the safest course is to snub Nicole.
If you find yourself replaying this game—look, a friend request from Mimi Rogers!—you can take it to the next level by assigning probabilities based on how you imagine Katie might react. Of course, that takes higher math. We know: It's complicated.
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