Videogames and movies get along like cats made of oil and dogs made of water. There have been a few good games based on films, but the best you can say about movies based on videogames is that they haven't actually killed anyone yet.
Things may be improving, though. By giving respected director Sam Raimi the reins to the World of Warcraft movie, Hollywood is giving us reason to think that we'll finally have a videogame movie at least as good as Darkman.
Dare we hope? Dare we dream? Dare we stand in line for weeks dressed as a Night Elf druid?
Luckily, Wired.com acquired a device that lets us peer into the near future, and we were able to get a peek at Raimi's production diary for the Warcraft movie, which is due in 2011. Here's what we were able to make out:
Day 1
I'll say it: I, Sam Raimi, am a genius. My decision to hire actual World of Warcraft players as extras was a stroke of brilliance. We get lots of publicity, they work for free and some of them are bringing their own swords! This is going to be great.
Day 2
OK, problems. To start with, there's a huge line of extras waiting to get on the set, and every time we get a bunch of them in, the scenery crashes. My technical advisers say this is normal for a launch, and they're working on it. In the meantime, they suggest that I build several identical sets, and encourage the extras to transfer to the other sets.
Day 12
We've got the set problem worked out, but I'm still getting a lot of complaints from the extras. They're saying the sides are unbalanced, that the Horde side has Scarlett Johansson and the Alliance just has Halle Berry. I asked my technical advisers what calms nerds down, and they said I should add a Scarlett Johansson to the Alliance and a Halle Berry to the Horde to make things fair. They also said, and I'm quoting here, "Nerf Shia LaBeouf." I fired them.
Day 33
I can't believe how hard it is to get any work done on this project. There are extras goofing off everywhere, but it takes an hour of asking around to get a group of 10 of them together to shoot a scene. And then, just when we're about to start filming, one of them suddenly has to leave because his mother needs him to clean his room or something.
Day 48
I'm starting to regret firing the technical advisers. Someone needs to explain to me how these dorks think. For instance, whenever the extras "kill" someone during a battle scene, they immediately stop fighting and start grabbing pieces of his costume. Even the ears! If I didn't know better, I'd think someone was paying them for detached body parts, but that's crazy talk.
Day 75
Why is it that every time we wrap for the day, one of the extras asks me to "open a portal to Dalaran"? Is he asking for drugs?
Day 103
I can't tell you how pissed off I am. I keep giving the extras simple instructions for the final battle scene: When Kel'Thuzad raises his staff, run left. When he raises his orb, run right. That's all there is to it, but every time we shoot, a bunch of extras run the wrong way, right into the pyrotechnics. Every time! We must have tried shooting the scene two dozen times and someone always screws it up. Worse yet, we keep having to put shooting on hold while they get their armor repaired.
Day 108
I think I've got it. A production assistant suggested I provide the extras with incentives they understand. I've ransacked the prop department for every cheesy fantasy tchotchke and outfit I could find, and I've started handing them out at the end of a day's work. I thought I'd have to give everyone something, but it turns out I can just give them, like, five things and let them fight over who gets them. They've set up their own elaborate rules for who gets what, but it's made them a lot more efficient, and I'm finally getting some decent scenes filmed.
Now if I could just get them to stop dancing.
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Born helpless, nude and unable to provide for himself, Lore Sjoberg eventually overcame these handicaps to become a guild leader, a team leader and a loss leader.
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