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...Survive Falling Through Ice
Taking a shortcut across that snow-covered pond seemed like an awesome idea ... until you heard the first crack. Don't panic—you need to think clearly now. Then again, don't be too casual: You've got about 10 minutes before you lose the use of your extremities. Here's how to get out alive, with functioning limbs.
— Mathew Honan
Illustrations: Jason Lee**Don't hyperventilate. As you hit the water, a physiological reaction known as torso reflex will cause you to gasp for air. Force yourself to take slow, deep breaths. You'll begin to shiver violently and feel intense pain; try to remember that these are natural responses and not life-threatening.
Orient yourself. As you bob in the opening you fell through, turn and face the direction you came from. The ice there was strong enough to hold you until this point, so it should be able to support you as you maneuver out. You don't have time to take a chance on other escape routes.
Lift and kick. Stretch your arms over the ice and shimmy your body up until most of your torso is resting on the ledge. (This way, if you lose consciousness before you're free, you won't slip back under and drown.) Now, as you pull with your arms, kick your legs dolphin-style to propel yourself out.
Recover. Once out, logroll to shore. Resist the urge to rub your arms and legs (which would send the cool blood from your extremities straight to your core) or gulp hot liquids (which would trigger a rush of blood to your skin). Strip, wrap your torso in blankets, and sip a tepid decaf beverage.
Illustration: Jason Lee...Set Up a Basement Chem Lab
They don't make chemistry sets like they used to—no more uranium or explosives. What's an aspiring mad scientist to do? Go DIY. In your own smoking, bubbling lair, you can make everything from bouncy balls to rocket motors. Here's a catalyst to get you started.
— Laura Blue
Collect ideas. For inspiration, check out the lab manuals posted at Sciencemadness.org. Or grab a copy of the Illustrated Guide to Home Chemistry Experiments, which tells how to smelt copper and test for drugs and poisons.
Buy supplies. Some vendors, like Elemental Scientific, still ship to individuals. Expect to drop at least $350 for a decent setup.
Know the risks. Always read each chemical's material safety data sheet, which includes crucial info—like how much your trusty lab rat can safely ingest.
Clean up. Pack nasty leftovers in closed containers, label, and drop at a hazardous materials disposal center.
Illustration: Jason Lee...Make Small Talk
It's the junk food of conversation: quick, sugary, sickening in excess—and unavoidable. Thomas Farley, editor of etiquette guide Modern Manners, has these tips. Initiate. Open with a wry observation phrased as a question: "Do these parties usually end in brawls? 'Cause I'm a little out of shape ..." Think ahead. As you listen to the reply, prep your next move. Aim for 15-second bursts that segue into further questions.Three topics max. Movies, travel, and fiction are safe bets. Close out. Humor is good, but keep it simple: "I have to go say hi to someone in the kitchen. He's small; I think I can take him." —Terrence Russell
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