It was a dark, dark time, the late 20th and early 21st centuries.
A scourge was upon the land, in the form of virally replicating boy bands like Backstreet Boys, 'N Sync, O-Town, Take 5 and many more. Most of them were the brainchildren of a Jabba-the-Hut lookalike known as Lou Pearlman, a pump-and-dump con man who's currently serving a 25-year prison sentence for conspiracy, money laundering and more.
Of course, he's not serving that time for actually creating those bands, merely robbing them, and everyone else he could, totally blind. According to the Associated Press, authorities finally decided on Wednesday how much the rotund jailbird owes: $300 million, large and in charge.
"Since the time of the sentencing all you've gotten from the defendant is the smirk on his face," Judge Judge G. Kendall Sharpe cracked, as prosecutors tried to add interest to the penalty. "So let's try to get some money first."
That will be hard. Pearlman was serving time in Orange County, but is being moved to an undetermined location. Whatever he's doing behind bars to make cash isn't going to be much. Maybe he can ask his first cousin Art Garfunkel for help? Let this be a lesson to all you investors out there. Never, and I mean never, ever invest in a boy band.
Photo: AP/John Raoux
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