How To ... Fly Through Airport Security
You might as well check your dignity curbside. Soon you'll be shoeless and flustered, spilling comics across the floor as you dig your MacBook from the depths of your duffel. But take a deep breath, frequent fliers: It is possible to pass security with your ego intact. Here's how. * — Mathew Honan*
1) Do recon online. Security delays vary widely by concourse and terminal. Go to tsa.gov to find average wait times. If you're not checking bags, print your boarding pass at home and head to the fastest line. (Be sure your gate is accessible from that security checkpoint.)
2) Carry a messenger bag. The topside flap gives easy access to your laptop and Ziploc of liquids and gels while the pockets provide plenty of storage for alarm-trippers. As soon as you get in line, tuck your belt, wallet, keys, watch, and phone into the sack.
3) Wear laceless shoes. And holeless socks. Just think of all the foot fungi of travelers past. Or don't.
4) Go! After you pass ID screening, make a beeline to the shortest x-ray queue. Don't wait to be directed, and don't hesitate to bypass dawdlers. Not only will you get there faster, you'll keep the whole line moving.
5) Use only two bins. Place shoes, coat, and toiletries in the first bin; laptop in the second; followed by the messenger bag. Keep the roller on the floor, where it's easy to manage, until the last minute.
6) Dress strategically. Don your coat and shoes while waiting for your bags. Put on your belt and watch at the gate.
... Survive an Avalanche
Your odds of outrunning the snow? Not so good. An avalanche can accelerate to 80 mph in seconds. But if you follow these tips, you might just walk away from it.
1) Grab a tree The more snow that slides past you, the less likely you'll be buried alive. Hang on for dear life until the force knocks you off.
2) Paddle hard You are three times denser than dry snow, so if you're not swimming, you'll sink.
3) Create space Once the snow stops, it'll set like concrete. As it slows, inhale to reserve room for the expansion of your chest, and cup a hand around your mouth to leave an air pocket.
4) Raise a hand Before the flow ceases, get a limb to the surface to help rescuers find you. Between 15 minutes and 45 minutes under the snow, your odds of survival fall from 90 percent to 30.
5) Breathe slowly To delay carbon dioxide poisoning, stay calm and don't bother yelling until rescuers are on top of you. Your fate is now in their hands. * — Miyoko Ohtake*
... Break Up on Facebook
It's not you, it's Mark Zuckerberg. Facebook's confounding founder has made breaking up that much harder to do. Every time you decouple, little press releases blast the gossip to all your friends (and "friends"), prompting those pitiful "What happened?" emails. Next time you split, in the "News Feed and Mini-Feed" section of your privacy options deselect "Remove my Relationship Status"; then, in your profile settings, change "In a Relationship" to the default "Select Status." But there's a hitch: Your ex's Mini-Feed will display an update in their relationship status, tipping off the gossip hounds. (You didn't think Zuckerberg would let you off that easy, did you?) You have no choice but to nicely ask your former boo to delete it, ASAP. — M.O.
Illustrations: Jason Lee
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