* Illustration: Jason Lee * Statistically speaking, you are doomed to lose at every game on the casino floor — unless, that is, you can count cards. At the blackjack table, speedy math skills can flip the advantage from the house to you. Granted, it's a small edge — 2 percent at best, which is nowhere near as good as dragging Rain Man to Vegas. But what have you got to lose? (Oh, yeah, all that money.)
Bring mucho moola Your edge will come from betting more when the dealer's shoe — a device for holding multiple decks of cards — is rich with big cards, which tend to help you and hurt the house. Success takes time and a bankroll of at least 400 times your standard bet.
Count and cancel Using the classic Hi-Lo method, you start with zero at the shuffle. For every 10, face card, or ace that hits the table, subtract a point. For every 2 through 6 card, add a point (the 7, 8, and 9 cards = zero points). When possible, let cards cancel each other out to save time.
Divide and bet Before each hand, divide your count by the estimated number of decks left in the shoe (tip: guess how many decks are in the discard stack and subtract that amount from the total number used in the game — usually six). When the result hits +2, bet like a big dog.
Be inconspicuous Don't move your lips as you calculate. Or bet too many chips. Counting cards isn't against the law, but a suspicious pit boss will show you the door — or just signal the dealer to shuffle, which wipes out your boosted odds and sets the count back to zero. D'oh!
— Lucas Graves
How to: Sleep Two Hours a Day
Don't waste time snoozing the night away. Turn your waking day into a 22-hour party by getting your shut-eye polyphasically — in a few quick bursts. Studies by the Chronobiology Research Institute show that for those on round-the-clock schedules — sailors, astronauts, gamers — it's more effective to recharge in short stints. For survival, the brain will eventually adapt by entering the REM state much faster. The cumulative result: a higher percentage of the best kind of z's.
The most time-efficient strategy, dubbed the überman (what else?), calls for a 20-minute nap every four hours. (Warning: The long-term side effects are unknown. But with only two hours of sleep a day, you'll have plenty of time to worry about it.) Here are three tips for streamlining your sleep regime: 1) Invest in an office couch. You'll need to zonk at least twice during an eight-hour workday. 2) Use an alarm (or three). Oversleeping will turn you into a zombie. 3) Stick it out. The first seven days of deprivation will be sheer misery, but stay on track. Once you start dreaming during naps — a sign you've hit REM — you'll begin to feel better.
— Mathew Honan
How to: Hang a Flatscreen
Remember that commercial where the hip young couple mounts their flat-panel TV on the ceiling? They end up in bed, gazing skyward at a screenful of dazzling fireworks. Call us crazy gravity-phobes, but we recommend sticking it on a wall. Here's how.
1. Pick a spot Use a stud-finder to ensure that your perfect, glare-free spot has enough support (one stud for an LCD, two for a plasma) and no hidden obstacles.
2. Hide the cables With a drywall saw, cut an outlet-sized hole near where the cables will jack into the back of the TV. Make another near the floor, directly below. (You can tidy up the holes with grommets.) Bundle the cables with electrical tape and feed them in through the top hole and out the bottom. Run extra cables for future gear.
3. Hang it up Use a level to mount the (VESA-compliant) bracket with anchor bolts. Attach the rails to your flatscreen TV, then have a sure-handed friend support the set while you bolt it to the bracket.
— Tom McEnaney
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