I have never wanted a vagina less than when I saw David Cronenberg's Dead Ringers. In a haze of drug abuse, the delusional gynecologist Beverly Mantle (played by Jeremy Irons) becomes obsessed with operating on mutant women with abnormal genitalia. The chrome instruments he comes up to deal with this entirely theoretical problem are curved and hooked and cork-screw shaped. They are horrible things, designed for ripping and tearing as they plunge.
Ladies, don't think I don't understand the horror of Mantle's contraptions. Granted, I don't have a vagina, but I have a rectum, so I have some basis of comparison. I can extrapolate that the experience of having a vagina is very much like the experience of having a rectum, but lined on the inside with the mucousy nerve endings of my penis. As such, the concept of shoving anything up there, let alone something shaped like an extraterrestrial surgical device, gives me the cold sweats.
Anyway, the movie above is one of the extras on the Criterion Collection DVD of Dead Ringers: an entire special feature devoted to diagrams and photographs of the gynecological devices of mutant women. Ladies, you may want to pass on this one.
