European? Willing to spend 520 days in a tiny capsule the size of 9 truck containers with a chain smoking Russian would-be cosmonaut? If so, the European Space Agency is willing to pay you 120 euros a day to be an imaginary astronaut in a test-flight to Mars, the aim of which is to gauge the psychological challenges (and more likely breakdowns) of the crew.
Just think about it. All day, you've got to stare at that ill-shaven Boris, smoking his damn clove cigarettes and sucking Vodka straight from the bottle. God, disgusting. Why doesn't he save some for the rest of us? But then you remember how he passed you the bottle last week and, on the rim, you clearly saw the jelly smear of his foul, blackened lips. Oh, how you wanted to smash that Vodka bottle right over the burst-blood vessels of his bulbous nose. But could your fellow astronauts be convinced not to squeal on you? You knew they couldn't. God, the temptation to hold on for dear life and just smash that big blinking airlock button, just for thirty seconds. Solitude. Quiet. An atmosphere that didn't smell like the confined farts of twelve would-be cosmonauts. It's enough to make any man mad.
Volunteers can submit their application directly to the ESA.
Space Pioneers wanted for 520-day Mars experiment [Yahoo! News]
