The Circumcellions: Bloggers of the Roman Empire?

Ever since I've become a professional blogger I've been wondering about my worst-case scenario: what if it all somehow comes to an end? After all, my only real skills are the ability to drink beer in my underpants at nine in the morning and the ability, using condescending snark alone, to cause thousands of strangers to want to roll me in honey and then forcibly defenestrate me.

In short, I'm a lazy, ignorant jerk and that doesn't open many doors unless you enter politics. But luckily, I think I may have found my new career path: Roman-era Circumcellion.

The word itself means "guys who hang around villages," rather unglamorously. The Circumcellions were a Christian suicide cult of the fourth and fifth centuries. Their religious practice consisted of delivering random beatings to strangers along the road, with the purpose of goading the strangers into killing them...

Sociologically, the Circumcellions were the Roman equivalent of trailer trash -- rural, uneducated and less-than-notable in terms of contribution to the gross national product. The only job of a Circumcellion was simply "being a Circumcellion." Despite this, members of the sect didn't starve to death... because that would take too long.

It's like being a professional blogger, only without having to endure the drudgery of actually writing (or even enduring the lesser drudgery of posting a YouTube clip instead of writing!) If you come to ToM one day and I'm no longer here, don't worry: I've joined the Circumcellions.

The Circumcellions [Rotten] (via Cynical-C)