Wired 15.05: Patently Bad Ideas

credit Illustration by Oliver Kugler
Pogo-Copter (1969)
description Take a standard pogo stick, add a wheel and a propeller and what have you got? A spring-loaded ticket to the hospital. As you bounce, the copter’s blades send you high into the air. It’s like floating on a cloud — for about a second. Then you crash.
credit Illustration by Oliver Kugler
Helmet-Mounted Pistol (1953)
description Essentially a hard hat with a gun strapped to the top, this weapon is perfect for the multitasking hunter (or armless serial killer). To shoot, simply blow into the connected tube. Talk about a killer hands-free device.
credit Illustration by Oliver Kugler
High-Speed Track Trainer (1982)
description No pain, no gain. Supercharge your workout routine with this two-wheeled cart that hitches to the back of a car. As a partner drives, you train by holding on, running, and generally trying not to fall and kill yourself.
credit Illustration by Oliver Kugler
Missing-Eye Glasses (1975)
description If you have only one eye but want to approximate (however poorly) the appearance of having two, don these specs. They use a mirror to capture the image of your lone peeper and reproduce it in the location of your missing one. The results are not exactly out of sight.
credit Illustration by Oliver Kugler
Airbag Undershorts (2006)
description What better way to magnify the humiliation of falling on your ass than with inflatable undies? These brainy briefs feature accelerometers that detect a tumble in progress, sending compressed gas into balloonlike pockets throughout the knickers. Phew — that was almost embarrassing.
credit Illustration by Oliver Kugler
Penis Exerciser (1995)
description Bet your health club doesn’t have one of these. To stay, um, functional as you age, use your male organ to repeatedly push up the bar attached to the metal box. You can pump up the difficulty by adjusting the fulcrum. Be very careful not to pull any muscles.