www.youtube.com/watch?v=
I confess: it's partly my fault that Justin.tv had sex on camera. But it's not my fault that he made the worst sex tape ever. How could such a cute boy be so bad in bed? Watch and find out. Here's the rub – it's work safe, people!
Now let's discuss, shall we? I would like to point out a few problems here. First of all, the music and fake moaning are lame. I'd rather hear nothing. Second, why bother with the weird shifty shadow crap? Why is Justin bold enough to take a dump on camera, but scared to show us his ass? We want to see ALL of Justin. And don't try to tell me he can't find a girl who's willing – the boy lives in San Francisco, where porn stars have Ph.D.s and sex workers use Tor. In this city, Justin could easily find a beautiful lady with a job in IT who would happily do the exhibitionism dance with him on Dork.tv. Clearly, the problem here is Justin. Until he shows us the Full Frontal Swerve, I am forced to conclude that he sucks in bed.
So why is this erotic travesty partly my fault? Well, I was on a Canadian news show called The Agenda with Justin last week, talking about online privacy. Before we went live, I had a chance to meet the very sweet and lovely Ms. J, whom Justin had just picked up in a bar and dragged to the satellite linkup studio with him. After Ms. J fled the scene, I told Justin a few things that may have backfired . . .
First, I told Justin that he absolutely needed to get laid this week or people would stop watching his show. By that, of course, I meant HAVE SEX ON CAMERA – you know, like the obviously braver and more dedicated JenniCam did back in the late 1990s. I did not mean show us a weird gray blob and play porno music.
So Justin tells me that what he really wants to do is get another show going on the Justin.tv network – something with a sexy girl in New York City who will do a Sex in the City thing and go out with celebrities for nights of wild parties and naughty hijinks. "It's good from a business perspective," he said. Then he noticed that I was wearing a suit and looked like one of those feminist dyke people, so he added contritely, "It may not be the best thing for society, though."
Justin, you are so socially-conscious! But why get girls to do the dirty work for you when you've got such a sweet body and are slutting around town right now? Nobody cares if there's some dumb NYC chick getting laid – we've seen that a million times before. We want to see Web 2.0 entrepreneurs getting it on. That's novelty! That's entertainment! That's good from a business perspective, and you know what? It's good for society too.
