Let's say, for the sake of argument, that the rumors Scott's been hearing about Keanu Reeves as Dr.Manhattan in the upcoming Watchmen film are true. The actor who brought his craft to bear on characters such as Ted "Theodore" Logan and Johnny Utah will now portray a blue-skinned ubermensch who can control atoms, has stepped outside temporal linearity, and at the end of Watchmen leaves our world to go build his own. Say it with me: yeesh.
So the question is: if Zack Snyder & Co. really do screw the metaphorical pooch that bad on Dr. Manhattan, how badly could they eff up the rest of the movie? Brooke Shields for Silk Spectre? Matthew Perry as Rorschach? John Travolta as Ozymandias? Worst. Cast. Ever. after the jump.
Silk Spectre -- Lindsay Lohan
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How It Could Happen: Studio execs get nervous about putting a woman over the age of 30 in a movie for "teenagers and nerds," pull a Sue Storm.
__Added Element of Suck Brought to the Movie: __Lohan writes and sings pop-punk diddy "Watchin' U" which plays during a Silk Spectre training montage.
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Nite Owl -- Tim Allen
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How It Could Happen: After Santa Clause 4: Clause Takes Manhattan does boffo box office, Allen seen as marketable again. Also, have you heard when he does that grunt thing? Hilarious!
__Added Element of Suck Brought to the Movie: __Per Allen's suggestion, added subplot of Nite Owl and Silk Spectre bickering about what to do on Sunday (she wants to go shopping, he wants to watch the big game).
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The Comedian -- Matthew McConaughey__
How It Could Happen: After meeting the actor in Cancun during a weekend-long bender at Senor Frog's, director Zack Snyder declares that McConaughey "like, totally gets that it's all bullshit," casts him on the spot.
__Added Element of Suck Brought to the Movie: __"All right, bro, what if instead of the Comedian taking a gnarly faceplant at the very beginning of the movie -- total bummer, right? -- he like has a parachute and parasails out of there? It'd be like (makes wavy motion with hands). So wicked."
Rorschach -- Chuck Norris
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How It Could Happen__: Every other working actor in Hollywood with red hair dies.
Added Element of Suck Brought to the Movie: You the Man Now, Dog! produces all trailers for the film.
Ozymandias -- Patrick Swayze
__How It Could Happen: __Nobody puts Swayze in a corner.
__Added Element of Suck Brought to the Movie: __Ozymandias's costume is re-imagined as a pair of Guess jeans and a tanktop.
And if it turns out Keanu won't be our boy in blue...____
Dr. Manhattan -- The re-animated corpse of Telly Savalas
__How It Could Happen: __Zack Snyder practices the Dark Arts, summons Telly Savalas back from the twilight world for one last role.
__Added Element of Suck Brought to the Movie: __Actually, this would be awesome, but unfortunately an affront to the laws of God and man. Sorry Telly.
